Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard.

1999 Darwin Awards

Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

Burmese Python
1999 Darwin Award Winner Unconfirmed by Darwin<

(1999, Nevada) A man was found dead in his Fallon, Nevada residence, an apparent victim of strangulation by of his 15ft Burmese Python. The man was handling his pet when the snake mistook his hand for dinner, clamped its jaws around it, and began constricting around his arm. Snakes are solid muscle, and a python this size is far more powerful than any mortal man. Once the snake begins to constrict, only a lever or a sharp knife can persuade the serpent to abandon its course of action. Knowing this, the owner had nevertheless failed to keep a tool handy.

The snake began swallowing his hand, and constricting around his body in an attempt to quell the spasms of the thrashing prey. The man instructed his hysterical wife, who was too scared to approach the snake, to call 911. But the authorities arrived too late. The snake had already constricted around its owner's chest and squeezed him breathless. It is to be hoped that the snake owner used his free arm to beat his helpless wife senseless before he died. © 1994 - 2022

Submitted by: Rich Brown

Nathaniel notes, "You mention that only a lever or a knife would have saved the man. In the interest of science and saving a few unlucky snakes, I hope you will include the fact that alcohol would have done the trick. Snakes don't like their liquor, so spraying alcohol on the head of a snake will cause it to stop biting. Since most of the idiots who get bitten by their 15 foot snakes also have alcohol around, this could save some lives, both human and reptilian, in the future.


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