Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard, thinking: 'EVOLVE Please!

Darwin Awards!
2017 1337

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it in a spectacular manner!

2017 Award INDEX
Titles spell it out for this creepy year divisible by 3 x 673. The Boomerang Drone Zone, the perennial green topic 'Two Texans Die Trying' illustrated by a Darwin Award reader, a Maine Booby-Trap... dive right into these cards against humanity.

Mountains of golden wooden pallets, and a man with a forklift pondering the possibilities presented here.></a>

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2017

Red Evolution
A Russian welder working in Tselinnoe noticed how well a fire extinguisher fits into a decommissioned artillery howitzer. Inspired, he stuffed the fire extingusher down the barrel... ...

Steamy Buns
A spiritual magician styled 'Black Dog' died while performing a ritual to cleanse body and soul. He seated himself inside an industrial wok, alongside sweet corn and vegetarian buns, and the steamer lid was lowered... ...

Unpalatable Death By Pallets
Logistics was uppermost in the mind of an employee of the Tanarumono Logistics Center when he needed to change a lightbulb ten meters overhead. The forklift could only lift him 2.5 meters, and that was clearly n ...

Amphetamines And Aerobatics
'Flying ICON-A5 low over the water is like flying a fighter jet!' tweeted Roy Halladay to numerous followers on the maiden flight of his brand-new Amphibious Sports Plane. One follower tweeted, 'Roy plea ...

Snapchat Prat
In a new twist on, 'Hold my beer and watch this!' a teen handed Snapchat to a friend and with a whoop of glee he leapt over a foot-bridge railing, intending to land dramatically on a parapet below... ...

Backseat Drivers
Double Darwin Award winners redefine 'Backseat Driving.' In a tale of Russian intelligence--or lack thereof--an amorous couple died while procreating in the back seat of their Niva SUV situated near a lake... ...

Golf Cart + Garden Hose
Fun-loving Cody Horn's last act was to pilot a golf cart towed by garden hose behind a vehicle on State Highway 4, east of Angels Camp... ...

#ElephantsWantPrivacy
Three male humans, three male elephants, and a dream of a perfect wildlife selfie leads to the first 2017 Darwin Award! You don't have to outrun the elephant...you just have to outrun the other guy. ...

Grim Roofer
What's that smell? A burglar removed a few roofing shingles and climbed into the roof of a pharmacy in Queensbury... ...

One Way Ticket
Blasting apart a ticketing machine at the train station was supposed to buy him a ticket to the good life, but instead the 31-year-old purchased passage in the opposite direction, losing his life in an explosion that ...

Air Strike Out
Standing on a truck on an airfield runway, our Double-Darwin Award Winners Nitzia and Clarissa chose a regrettable location for a cell phone selfie... ...

Pistol Of Justice
'Divine punishment,' said the judge, deciding not to impose jail time on a man who shot himself in the testicles while carrying an illegal weapon in his waistband... ...

Flat Hatting Pilots
Flying home from a week-long Naval event that included Low Altitude Awareness Training, two experienced military pilots traded off at the controls while 'flat hatting' at low altitude and high speed... ...

503 Server Overload
Locked in his bedroom by Mom, a French man leaves by climbing down the ethernet cable... ...

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