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August 12, 2018
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Homo sapiens sapiens
An Endangered Species?


DARWIN AWARD: WOO PURSUE HEAD FLEW

August 882, France || Blindly following lust, the world came crashing down upon the head of King Louis III, overzealous ruler of Francia. Despite great military success, great loss followed on its heels when a comely lady caught his eye...


DARWIN AWARD: BAG-ATELLE

July 2018, Australia || The ban on shopping bags has taken a terrible toll. A 58-year-old woman was run over by her Mazda after she pulled over to check whether the grocery bags were in the trunk...


DARWIN AWARD: GEOcaching Out!

June 2018, Czech Republic || Storms and torrential rains did not deter four geo-cache seekers from climbing into an underground waterway in search of sunken treasure. Lest you think them innocent of stupidity, look at this photo...


DARWIN AWARD: Flat-Hatting Pilots

October 2017, United States || Flying home from a week-long Naval event that included Low Altitude Awareness Training, two experienced military pilots traded off at the controls while 'flat hatting' across the terrain at low altitude and high speed...


HONORABLE MENTION: Numb Nuts

April 2018, Australia || He survives a Darwin Award attempt! Seemingly ignorant of the effect of momentum on his trajectory, an athletic male train-surfer waves to the camera before leaping off a moving train as it crosses the Fremantle Bridge...


DARWIN AWARD: Mind The Cone Zone

Mind the orange cone zone! In March a #NewJersey man from Wanaque--loathe to delay shoveling Dad's driveway--saw no danger in driving 'round barricades and 'cross a live #electricity wire. Ironically he was employed as a career electrician! #DarwinAwards #YourDeathMatters VIDEO VIA HELICOPTER...


DARWIN AWARD: Zap!titude

January 2015, New Zealand || Finally some rest for Matthew Smith, 26, killed while trying to silence noisy late-night music at the Whangaruru Campground. Our exasperated Darwin Award winner set out to sort out the problem with a metal LEATHERMAN in his hand...


DARWIN AWARD: Golf Cart + Garden Hose

September 2017, California || Fun-loving Cody Horn's last act was to pilot a golf cart towed by garden hose behind a vehicle on State Highway 4. The cart crossed the double yellow line...


DARWIN AWARD: Reticulated Python

January 2018, Selangor || Zaim Kosnan spotted a twelve-foot reticulated python dozing on the side of the road. "That sizeable snake is worth money!" The 35-year-old prepared for this windfall with gloves and a sickle...


DARWIN AWARD: Steaming Hot

October 2017, Malaysia || A spiritual magician styled 'Black Dog' died while performing a ritual to cleanse body and soul. He seated himself inside an industrial wok, alongside sweet corn and vegetarian buns, and the steamer lid was lowered...


DOUBLE DARWIN AWARD:
Road-Rage-Aholics

January 2018 || Darwin Double! After a road collision near Stary Krzew in Poland, two men emerged from their banged-up cars and began arguing. The argument grew into a physical fight...then shrank down to bloodstains on the asphalt...


Dis-Honorable Mention: Nine Small Lines

Nine Small Lines: Nine people, a hotel room, and mail delivery of a plain package from a foreign country containing a mysterious white powder labelled SCOOP. No one had ordered the substance yet they decided it might be cocaine...clear a blockage...


HISTORIC DARWIN AWARD: Killer Whalebone

Historic Darwin Award! U.S. Founding Father Gouverneur Morris, a signatory to the Articles of Confederation and U.S. Constitution, died in 1816 from an infection caused by shoving a whalebone into his urethra to clear a blockage...


HONORABLE MENTION:: $#!t A Brick...

At-Risk Survivor: Monumentally incredible darwinity, verified in a respected Medical Journal! A 20-year-old man arrived at the emergency room complaining of rectal pain. Abdominal films revealed a radiopaque object in the lower rectum...


DARWIN AWARD: Karmic Valentine Schadenfreude

February 2018, Berlin || A 19-year-old and his soon-to-be-ex were walking along the beautiful Havel River, quarreling. The frustrated man suddenly shoved the woman into the icy river! She could swim, he could not...


DARWIN AWARD: Backseat Driving

June 2017, Russia || Double Darwin Award winners redefine 'Backseat Driving' in a tale of Russian intelligence. An amorous couple died while procreating in the back seat of their Niva SUV...


DARWIN AWARD: Snapchat Prat

July 2017, Singapore || In a new twist on, 'Hold my beer and watch this!' a teen handed Snapchat to a friend and with a whoop of glee he leapt over a foot-bridge railing, intending to land dramatically on a parapet below...


DARWIN AWARD: Abu Hamam

January 2018, Gaza || A sexagenarian was examining his personal weapon in his home when he inadvertently discharged it into his face! Twenty-one days after accidentally shooting himself, Abu Hamam, 62, succumbed to the self-inflicted head-bang...


DARWIN AWARD: Mammoth Morons

Today's Group Darwin Award is for the males of the Woolly Mammoth species, Mammuthus primigenius, an elephant species extinct for about 10,000 years--in part due to the males' penchant for fossilization...


DARWIN AWARD: Red Evolution

April 2017, RUSSIA || A Russian welder noticed how well a fire extinguisher fits into a howitzer! Inspired, he stuffed the fire extinguisher down the cannon barrel... BEST Darwin Award Winner of the Decade!



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HONORABLE MENTION: 7200 Volts And A Dim Bulb

April 2017, South Carolina || After two weeks without hot water or refrigeration, a man attempted to restore electric power to his home. Illegally. While we feel sympathy for his situation, what happens when a powerless thief grabs a metal ladder and jumper cables...?


DARWIN AWARD WINNER! 503 Server Overload

April 2017, France || Locked in his bedroom by Mom, a French man leaves by climbing down the ethernet cable...


DARWIN AWARD WINNER! Air Strike Out

March 2017, Mexico || Standing on a truck on an airport runway, our Double-Darwin Award Winners Nitzia and Clarissa chose a regrettable location for a cell phone selfie...


One Way Ticket Out

March 2017, Germany | Blasting apart a train ticket machine was supposed to buy him a ticket to the good life, but instead the 31-year-old purchased passage in the opposite direction...


iPhone Shocker

Plug in your iPhone and drop it into your bath water, and suddenly coroners are demanding warning labels...


AT-RISK SURVIVOR: Unleaded At A Lead Fight

May 2016, Brazil | Pulling out a gun at an ethanol station? With 87% burns, you got "lucky" this time, but Evolution is keeping her eye on you...


DARWIN AWARD: #ElephantsWantPrivacy

February 2017, Zimbabwe | Three male humans, three male elephants, and a dream of a perfect wildlife selfie leads to the first 2017 Darwin Award! You don't have to outrun the elephant... you just have to outrun the other guy.


DARWIN AWARD: Soaked To The Bone In Yellowstone

June 2016, Wyoming | Colin Scott, 23, was enjoying a graduation vacation at Yellowstone National Park when the beautiful hot springs reminded him that he could use a good soak...


DARWIN AWARD FLASHBACK: A Proper Sendoff

2007, Australia | When you work as a diver on a pearl farm, there are many ways to 'buy the farm.' The head diver, known as Sharky, was not afraid to take risks to get the job done. Sharky was a loose gun in a company of cowboys...




HONORABLE MENTION: Rivers Go In Circles, Right?

July 2016, Michigan || Stupidity doesn't get worse than this. Three bikini-clad women were stranded on the banks of the Muskegon River with no food, no shelter, no clothing, when a river tubing excursion went 'Naked and Afraid'...


DARWIN AWARD: Case of the Charred Crook

November 2015, Croatia || In the journals of jurisprudence, stupid rises to a new level when a criminal in solitary confinement decides to whip out his contraband lighter. No you cannot make jail idiot-proof...


DARWIN AWARD: Crane Your Neck

December 2005, Colorado || "87 Days Without An Accident" the construction site sign proudly proclaimed, until the cold winter day acrobatic Mr. Ryan Young reset that count to zero. People get stir crazy in the cold dark days of winter...


DARWIN WINNER: Masturbator Meets Hard End

January 2016, Michigan || Referred to as a "distracted driver," Clifford Ray Jones, 58, was driving without pants -- without seatbelt -- and with a porno flick screening on his mobile. It was not traffic he was trying to beat...


DARWIN AWARD: Her Sleep Number Was Up

September 2016, Virginia || Sidney Zelaya, 20, was riding a mattress on top of a van when both of them slipped off the vehicle. She was nominated for the notorious Darwin Award when it became apparent she was not going to bounce back from a bad case of bed head.


HONORABLE MENTION: Pokémon "Go Jump"

July 2016, California || Pokémon's unanticipated "Go Jump" feature is predicted to have a dwindling fan base. Two California men blindly followed app clues to a clue-less "75 to 100 foot" tumble down a crumbling ocean cliff with minor injuries, missing a full DARWIN. Falling For The Game...


THE IDIOTS GUIDE TO SEX.

MEN ARE MORE IDIOTIC THAN WOMEN. Scientific research on sex trends in the Darwin Awards shows striking asymmetry between the number of male and female winners. Thanks Ben Lendrem for your thorough analysis of [Idiots Trending on Darwin Awards.]


DARWIN AWARD: Banana Bandido

July 2014, Costa Rica || A banana plantation was the setting for a Friday evening robbery in Limón. Villegas, 30, lived in the same building as the farm's cafeteria before his fatal slip-up. He was in the process of (breaking into the cafe...)


Honorable Mentions

The HONORABLE MENTION is bestowed on survivors of blunders that flabbergast the rest of us. The judges point a finger at certain individuals who are up and coming in the competition to win a Darwin Award. Recent Honorable Mentions are Mr. Magnetron, and Marshmallow Mouth Gator Guy. The opposite of role models, these living legends are here on Earth to serve as a warning to others!


DARWIN AWARD: Striking It Rich (or, Shafted)

(1) A vodka-swilling pill-popping airline customer.
(2) A potted plant made of plastic.
(3) Airport security video showing the former climbing the latter.
And then came the elevator...


DOUBLE DARWIN AWARD! Some Finnish

MUSICAL THEME: "Boom boom out go the lights!" HINT: Two men collected over 100 frag grenades, bazookas, fuse materials and ammunition from the forests Lapland. (Find out what happened in Kemi, Finland...)


DARWIN AWARD: Crispy Copper Fries

May 2014, Arizona || The mummified remains of a man who was unexpectedly discovered in a Tucson manhole tell their own poignant story. The manhole was opened in May to investigate a (fluctuation in electrical power...)


Man Customizes Car Ignition Sequence To His Peril

(February 2014, United Kingdom) Scott McKimmie's purple Volkswagen Cabriolet would not be considered roadworthy by most people, but to a handy mechanic a flaw can be considered a security feature. ( Read on...)


Darwin Award: Resurrection FAIL

(17 September 2014, Pakistan) Two correspondents nominated the gullible acolyte who volunteered to be killed and resurrected by a holy man--and not a holy man who was experienced with the procedure, but a beginner who thought he'd give it a whirl! ("Religion did him in.")


DARWIN AWARD: Delhi Sandwich

(23 September 2014, India) Life of Pi, move over, Maqsood has a tale to tell. This 19-year-old factory worker joined a White tiger for lunch yesterday in the cat's Delhi zoo home. After being cautioned twice to not climb over the fence enclosing the tiger enclosure, Maqsood climbed over the fence a third time and then swam across the moat over to Tiger Island. ("India zoo gains a meal, loses a patron...")


DARWIN AWARD: Anchorman

(25 May 2014, Georgia) 18-year-old Chance Werner had recently graduated from high school and on the early hours of Sunday morning he was at Lake Allatoona celebrating with friends by playing the Shopping Cart Game. The Shopping Cart Game is evidently popular... (more)


LIVING DARWIN AWARD! The Thing Ring

(May 2014, England) In the interest of public safety, the Darwin Awards editors are releasing this ribald and unsavory event to the public to serve as a warning to adventurous amorous males. EYEWITNESS: "Being part of the emergency services, firemen were called to the A&E Department of a central London hospital to assist in removing a thing ring... (more)


DOUBLE DARWIN! Sports Training

(2 March 2014, Rotterdam, Netherlands) Two apparently intoxicated men dared each other to test their courage against an intercity train at a Rotterdam train station. At 1800 hours on a Sunday night, the station was crowded with more than 300 fans returning from a soccer-match pitting Feyenoord against Ajax at De Kuip, the most beautiful soccer stadium in Holland... (more)


NO DARWIN AWARD: "No Bull, No Bullets!"

3 August 2014, Chicago | NOT a Darwin Award winner: the accidental shooting death of a man who failed to prove that his gun had no bullets, when he pointed the gun at his head and pulled the trigger. Moderators have ruled this recent Illinois shooting death "too common" and lacking the creativity of a true Darwin Award. Sorry, Mr. Zyzanski (rawstory.com)




Hi! I am Wendy, Curator of the Darwin Awards, here with a PSA. Enjoy a browse in our Slush Pile. The Slush Pile is moderated by volunteers, and you and I owe them a round of drinks and fresh organic snacks. Check out the Slush Pile archives, Fountain from which the Darwin Awards are Fished.


Human Intelligence is MIA,
Presumed Dead.

Evolve! Urges the ghost of Charles Darwin.

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Darwin Awards: Extinction of Species.
"Clap, clap, clap."

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1994 Darwin Award: Short Circuit
1999 Darwin Award: Good Trumps Evil at Church
2002 Darwin Award: Caveat Emptor
2007 Darwin Award: Descent of Man
2009 Darwin Award: Crushing Debt
2008 Darwin Award: On the Piste
2001 Darwin Award: God Saves?
2008 Darwin Award: Thou Shalt Not Steel
2009 Darwin Award: Sparkleberry Lane
2001 Darwin Award: Killing Time
1990 Darwin Award: Wrong Time, Wrong Place
2008 Darwin Award: Slippery When Wet
2007 Darwin Award: Support Group
2007 Darwin Award: Crutch, Meet Crotch
2005 Darwin Award: Kittie Toy
2002 Darwin Award: Chainsaw Insurance
2008 Darwin Award: Payback
2014 Darwin Award: Crispy Copper Fries
2002 Darwin Award: Faulty Aim Fatal
2000 Darwin Award: Shorties: Stupid Human Tricks
1990 Darwin Award: Tired Ammo
2006 Darwin Award: A Slow Burn
2007 Darwin Award: Four Great Ideas
2000 Darwin Award: Home Grown Chute

"Darwin Awards: We watch the watchman watch the watchmen."
Natural selection deems that some individuals
serve as a warning to others.
  Who are we to disagree?
The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors.


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