Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard.

2018 Darwin Awards

Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

A Gun Named 'Lorena'
2018 Honorable Mention
Confirmed True by Darwin

Good Guy With a Gun Defends Our Species

(27 Nov 2018, Arizona) The Buckeye Police Department reports that a man accidentally shot his own sausage while shopping in the meat aisle at Walmart. Arizona law does not require a permit (nor a holster for that matter) to carry a firearm, so our hero felt free to carry his piece "commando-style" (unholstered) beneath his waistband. When the unholstered gun drifted down into his jeans, he reached in and pulled the trigger while repositioning his weapon. This loose cannon's low hanging fruit didn’t have a chance. Firearm supporters can add this event to the arsenal of ammunition against gun control. Guns really do make a difference.

Darwin Award? Odds are, our gun nut (pun intended) shredded his ability to breed and wins the uncommon Living Darwin Award: still alive but unable to reproduce. Otherwise, his reward is an Honorable Mention -- "better luck next time." We await further information.

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Reader Puns
"His gun was named 'Lorena'." -P.Lines
"So he went off half-cocked?" -J.Petry
"Fresh sausage half off!" -P.Hall
"The guy is now a gun nut without nuts. Hopefully he'll come to enjoy the catheter." -G.Ely
"After this he will be definitely shooting blanks." -I.Titi
"His barrel was shortened that day." -A.Yuan
"Friends call him 'snubnose' now."
"He's not half the man he used to be." -D.Webb
"Clean up on Aisle 4." -M.Miller © 1994 - 2022
Submitted by: Kevin Anderson

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