Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard.

2018 Darwin Awards

Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

Dead On Valentines Day
2018 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

Karmic Valentine Schadenfreude
"He who cannot put his thoughts on ice should not enter into the heat of dispute." -Friedrich Nietzsche

(14 February 2018, Berlin) A 19-year-old and his soon-to-be-ex were walking along the beautiful Havel River, quarreling. Unable to win his conversational point, the frustrated man suddenly shoved the woman into the icy river, jumping in to push her under again and again!

But she could swim. He could not...

She swam safely to land and quickly recovered from hypothermia. He sank and lost consciousness in the 2°C waters, forever forgetting the quarrel, and was pulled out by water police and transported to Charité Virchow Clinic in Berlin. The attacker fell into a carceral coma, and an arrest warrant was issued against him for "attempted homicide for low motives" (in German, "Versuchten Heimtückemordes aus niederen Beweggründen.")

The crime was committed on December 19th, and the perpetrator died on February 14th--an ironic date indeed--from irreversible brain damage.

Usually no Darwin Award is granted when an innocent bystander is injured. In this case we make a rare exception, because the woman fully recovered (and is perforce better off without this madman) while the diabolical and drowned deed-doer was Darwinian-dumb.

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Reader Comments
"He needed to chill." -J.A.Z.Pérez
"I can't help but wonder the reason of the quarreling..." -R.Solis
"...she wanted to join a synchronized swimming team." -J.A.Z.Pérez
"You can't fix stupid but you can watch it self-destruct now and then." G.Windle © 1994 - 2022
Submitted by: LM Holmes and Jürgen Kahl
Reference: and

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