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1999 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes deceased) readers. Next


Bridge Bowling 
1999 Personal Account

Warning! Gross.
(October 1999) Here's one I read in a Spanish newspaper during a trip to Seville in February. There are jerks, and then there are REAL jerks. Like people who think it funny to drop heavy objects on cars from a highway overpass. Jorge, our hero and Darwin contestant, is one of these jerks.

Late one night he found the perfect spot for his hobby. An old overpass had been torn down, and its replacement was almost finished. Jorge found a boulder of concrete, a piece of the old bridge with rusty steel rods protruding from it. Using the rods as handles, he dragged the mass onto the new bridge, and right to the brink above the fast lane below. Then he heaved it onto the edge of the low construction fence, so precarious he was barely able to hold it there, and waited for a victim.

Jorge wasn't aware of the hook-shaped, rusty metal rod that was dangerously close to his private parts.

When the next car came, he waited for the right moment and then rolled the thing over the fence. The sharp metal rod pierced his jeans and hooked itself firmly in his flesh, and before our hero could react, the boulder began to painfully pull him off the overpass.

Panicked, he managed to grab the handrail and hang on for dear life. Unfortunately, neither the jeans nor his delicate flesh could support the weight of the falling boulder. The metal rod ripped through flesh and fabric, and tore his jeans from his body, pulling them down until his feet got stuck in the legs of the pants. At this point, his hands slipped from the rail, and he fell to the roadway, suffering more injuries and knocking himself out as he landed on the road on top of the concrete boulder.

The driver of an oncoming car braked and swerved as the boulder and the man crashed into her headlight beam. She avoided the man lying on the road, but not the boulder, which became stuck in the bumper of her car. The man was still attached to the boulder by the jeans at his feet. He was dragged for 30 meters, until the car finally braked to a halt.

After this experience, our hero's contribution to the gene pool was in rather bad shape, as you might imagine. He was partially hanging in shreds from the boulder, partially spread across 30 meters of highway. Heroic doctors managed to save quite a bit of him, almost spoiling his chances for a Darwin award. In the nick of time, an infection caused by the rusty wound finished the job, resulting in the loss of his private parts.

As a bonus to society, as soon as he was able to leave the hospital, he was locked away from the public for a long time. Not only did he lose his ability to contribute to the gene pool, but he also will no longer be able to disturb the survival of the fittest by throwing heavy objects at them.

Submitted by: Anonymous
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