The Darwin Awards 

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1999 Personals
Bridge Bowling
Packing the Wardrobe
Disco Dork
Gangster Blues
Tide-ally Impaired
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Industrious Brain Dead Private
Train Dodge!
Betrayal of Trussed
Quarry Story
Unkindest Cut of All
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Coke, the Real Thing
What a Gas!
Cleaning the Head
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Helium and Oxygen Don't Mix
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1999 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes deceased) readers. Next


Disco Dork 
1999 Personal Account

(June 1999, Utah) My wife is a registered nurse. Like any other profession, nurses enjoy swapping tales of hospital horror. Their favorite topic is the same idiots who grace the pages of the Darwin Awards. My wife heard this from an RN who was in the emergency room the night this happened.

Paramedics were called to a discotheque in Salt Lake City, where a young man had lost consciousness on the dance floor. Bystanders said, "One minute he was dancing, and the next minute he was lying on the floor turning blue."

The paramedics determined that the man had suffered a heart attack. His skin was blue from lack of oxygen. Sadly, he died enroute to the hospital.

In the ER, the true cause of death was discovered when they removed his personal effects. It turned out that he had strapped a roll of quarters to his crotch in the hopes of making his equipment appear larger. Unfortunately, the quarters were tied with surgical tubing, which had cut off circulation to his leg.

Apparently the lack of blood flow combined with the exertion of dancing triggered his heart attack.

The moral of the story is: Size does matter. If his brain had been larger, he'd still be alive. © 1994 - 2012

Copyright (c) 1999-2000 Gary K. Sloane. Used by permission.

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