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1999 Personals
Bridge Bowling
Packing the Wardrobe
Disco Dork
Gangster Blues
Tide-ally Impaired
Bridge Bonzai
Jump Rope Blues
Industrious Brain Dead Private
Train Dodge!
Betrayal of Trussed
Quarry Story
Unkindest Cut of All
Flak Vest Test
Coke, the Real Thing
What a Gas!
Cleaning the Head
Diving Lessons
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North Pacific Deckpecker
The Iceman Exiteth
Withdrawing Money
Car Surfing
Fun with Forklifts
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1999 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes deceased) readers. Next


Coke - the Real Thing 
1999 Personal Account

Some people are just plain gullible. A few friends and I had finished our English assignment early, and had 30 minutes of class time to kill. Chris crushed up three Altoids, the curiously strong peppermint, and lined the powder into a pile that resembled a massive snort of cocaine. Now, Tony is not the brightest bulb in the barrel, and he is always eager for opportunities to impress the extent of his masculinity upon others. We offered him ten dollars if he could snort the entire pile.

Tony knew full well what he would be sucking into his nasal cavity, yet he agreed to take us up on the offer. By this time, our wager had attracted the attention of other classmates, who were urging Tony on as he used the barrel of a pen to snort three quarters of the peppermint powder. He got no further before he screamed in agony and clutched his nose, and a few seconds later he puked all over the floor. His nose was bleeding and he was crying like a baby. This attracted the attention of our English teacher, who summoned the school nurse on the intercom.

By the time the nurse arrived, Tony was lying on the floor moaning, blowing his nose and spewing blood. After the nurse treated him, he was sent to the office and suspended for disruption. Chris and I didn't get in trouble, and we weren't even out ten dollars, because Tony didn't snort all of it. Tony may not have been removed from the gene pool this time, but I am sure that one of these days he will be. Until that day, at least he can be nominated for a stupidity award. © 1994 - 2020

Submitted by: Corey Jones

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