Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard.

2014 Darwin Awards

Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

Boogie Board Blunder
2014 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

(24 January 2014, California) The Mountain View man arrived in Santa Cruz with boogie board and flippers and headed into the Pacific Ocean, just like plenty of other people who swim and surf at coastal beaches. But rocky cliffs line the north end the Monterey Bay! Surfers--sane surfers--avoid the dangerous areas where waves are liable to sweep swimmers against the cliffs, and instead school in spots with tasty waves but few rocks and rogues.

"Universe to Zenk! You are about to die!"

The Pacific Ocean is larger than all of Earth's land area combined. You just don't play on the surface of the mighty Pacific without asking around regarding good swim spots, and using your eyeballs to notice where others are surfing and swimming. If our Darwin Award Winner had done so... But he did not. Thus it came to pass that a witness saw Boogie Board Boy paddling in an area where people DO NOT SWIM and placed a call to 911.

Santa Cruz Fire already had patrols scouting the seas due to a high surf advisory that Friday warning of swells up to 13 feet. Lifeguards on personal watercraft zoomed over to warn Zenk about the dangerous surf and suggest that he move over. This message from the Universe, "Hey, you are about to die!" was ignored. Zenk waved off the sound advice, and calmly continued kicking and paddling along.

Not long after that warning whooshed over his head, a set of waves came in and whooshed over his head, slamming him into the rocks. Swimmers sent to save him... could not. He was pronounced dead at Dominican Hospital. The Pacific Ocean carried on about its business.

"Rock on dude... Dude on a rock!"
"YEA! We win again!" -male reader
"Zenks but no zenks for the warning."
"Spoiler alert, everyone who wins a Darwin award dies." "In other news: Scientists say the Sun rises in the East. Film at dawn."

Submitted by: Samuel Lavine
Reference: Santa Cruz Sentinel

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