Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard.

2008 Darwin Awards

Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

Low Flying Drunks
2008 Darwin Award Winner
Unconfirmed by Darwin

(1996, Canada) Sleeping residents of Chilliwack were awakened early one morning by the sound of a small aircraft flying lower than usual. The engine noise was like a mosquito, zooming too close too quick, then veering away. What the bleep was going on?

During a bout of heavy drinking that lasted into the wee hours of the morning, two future Darwin Award nominees realized that although neither one had a pilot's license nor flight training, they nevertheless knew all they needed to know to pilot an aircraft. Furthermore, one of the gentlemen worked at the small local airport and had access to the tarmac. They drew the obvious conclusion, and decided to take a plane for a drunken joyride over the city.

They invited two females along for the ride; fortunately, the level-headed ladies declined.

From idea to execution, the plan evolved quickly. The airport employee unlocked locked gates; once on the tarmac, the two then managed to break into a small plane, taxi to the runway, and get it off the ground and into the sky. They buzzed around in the dark, skimming above the roofs of the houses, and this random aerial activity went on for an extended period of time.

Eventually their bladders began to complain, but they no longer remembered how to find the airport. Disoriented, they attempted to land on the grassy median between east and west-bound lanes of the Trans-Canada Highway, and almost made it under the electrical wires that cross the median. Almost.

Where these wires were concerned, fate was not kind. The tail the aircraft clipped the wires. Instead of making a soft landing on the grassy verge, the aircraft took a nose-first dive into the ground, killing both occupants. Only then were the Chilliwack residents able to return to their dreams.

MEDIA REFERENCES © 1994 - 2022
Reference: Uncited edition of the newspaper, Chiliwack Progress

Previous Directions Next