Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard.

2005 Darwin Awards

Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

Heck on Wheels
2005 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

(17 April 2005, Syracuse, Indiana) Late one night, 26-year-old Joseph was blazing down the road in the Chain O'Lakes district on his Yamaha moped. When he saw flashing lights in his rear-view mirror, well... with the wind whistling through his ears, he apparently concluded that his moped could outrun a police cruiser. This hard-boiled Heck's Angels wannabe revved his engine and roared off.

The speedometer needle flashed past 10--20--30mph, and within a minute, it was in the red zone at a blinding 40 mph. But no matter how fast Joseph went, he was unable to shake the pursuing police officer from his tail! If only he had a spare JATO!

The two-stroke engine was buzzing like a hummingbird from the strain of the chase. Perhaps he was thinking, "You'll never take me alive, copper!" as he sped through the intersection. Whatever his last thoughts were, Joseph lost control of his would-be road rocket, crashed into a tree, and died instantly.

Reader Comments:
"Whatever this guy was smoking, I want some!"
"You'll never take me alive copper!"
"Didn't you and Esh try this in Stillwater once, Fish?"
"As I read this, I see brother John riding down 202 to ConVal on that stupid moped."

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Submitted by: Mark Landes
Reference: Warsaw Times-Union,,

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