Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard.

2001 Darwin Awards

Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

The Dumb Tax?
2001 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

(15 April 2001, Tennessee) The day before the US tax filing deadline, which happened to be Sunday, April 15 (because the tax filing deadline is extended when the US Post Office is closed) a Memphis Darwin Award winner was in a rush to file. Enroute to the post office, he was evidently trying to beat a train when he drove around the crossing gates -- only to be struck by an oncoming vehicle/driver with the same mad plan. The driver of the northbound vehicle was killed, the southbound wounded; making this monumental stupidity the first instance we have witnessed of a Darwin Award winner colliding with an At-Risk Survivor. The accident happened to one side of the tracks so, as a cosmic act of politeness, the train passed by unimpeded and the passengers were not inconvenienced.

However, a double dumb Honorable Mention is quite similar...

Reader Comments:
"Some problems are very TAXING..."
"How's this for a 'late filer'? A deadline."
"Tax penalties. Ouch."

"Honorable Mention: One morning before school started, we noticed an accident there at the high school train crossing. We assumed the train had hit a car. Actually, the car hit the train. A senior ("J.J. Brains" after this) thought he was running late for school. (Actually dumfuk would have been 10 minutes early.) When the gates came down at the crossing he was behind _three_ stopped cars, and not wanting to be late, he pulled out and stomped on the gas. He went around all three cars, noticed just before crossing the track that the he would not make it, slammed on his brakes, and skidded/smashed into the engine. His 1970's era P.O.N.T.I.A.C. was totalled, the roof crushed at least 3 feet down. He survived only because the driver's seat was defective and broke backwards in the crash, leaving him lying on his back, with a skull fracture, broken collar bone, and numerous cuts from broken glass. To grind salt into stupid and hurt, he owed CalTrain $10,000 for the damage to the engine! Brains."

"Lies die Kommentare dazu..."
"Two wrongs do make a right!"
"Oy vey! This is one for the history books."
"Read and heed."

"Sic transit non compos mentis in gloriae aeterna."
"April xx is just around the corner. Best to stay inside."
"Here's a way cool way to get out of paying your tax bill."

"A perfect match: Stupid hits stupid."
"Sound like something that would happen to us!!! Always meeting in the MIDDLE! ;-)"

"You can dodge the train!" [ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump] "No, stupid, do it like this!" © 1994 - 2022
Submitted by: Richard Spencer
Reference: Memphis Commercial Appeal

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