Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard.

2005 At-Risk Survivors

Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

Human Popsicle
2000 Darwin Award Runner-Up
Confirmed by Darwin

(24 January 2000, Ohio) The Los Angeles Police Department contacted Ohio police hoping to locate a missing truck driver and his load of broccoli. The stalled truck was located four days later and towed to a local mechanic. They thawed and refueled the truck and found that, apart from an empty gas tank, the vehicle had no mechanical problems. The driver's personal effects and seven bricks of marijuana were discovered in the cab of the vehicle.

The trucking company and the police were both interested in the whereabouts of the errant driver, and a search was initiated. Shortly thereafter a patrolman noticed two feet protruding between the pallets of broccoli -- feet which belonged to the missing man.

The broccoli was unloaded as quickly as possible in the cold Ohio winter, leaving the frozen body of the driver standing precisely upside down, attached to the floor of the trailer by his head. He was surrounded by space heaters and eventually pried off the floor, but his frozen corpse had to be turned on its side to load it into a rescue squad vehicle, as his arm was sticking out and wouldn't fit through the door.

The Cuyahoga County coroner's office determined that the man was trying to retrieve a stash of cocaine from between the pallets of broccoli when he fell and knocked himself unconscious. He soon suffered from a fatal case of hypothermia and died in the icy air. Perhaps he should have confined his drug smuggling to the more clement climate of California.

Reader Comments:
"Death by broccoli."
"For all the vegetarians in the world...."

Reference: Richfield Township, Ohio Police Department Incident #00514, Medina Co. Sheriff's Office report by Deputy Brady England © 1994 - 2022
Submitted by: Mark Brooks

Cartoon by Thomas Banwell
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