The Darwin Awards 

Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
2000 Personals
One Cool Dude
Excellent Adventure
Emergency Room Excitement
Man With Gas Can
Dead as a Doda
5 Soldiers 6 Police 0 Brains
My Friend John's Testis
Why I'm the Last of Nine Children
Eat the Young
Feces Pieces
A Clean Toilet
Why Kids Leave the Farm
Lawnmower Mechanics
It Gets Worse...
Cesium Initiative
Fill 'er Up!
Is it Loaded?
Final Flick of Bic
Compacted Ignorance
Extensible Aluminum Stave
Robot Reaper
Bug Repellent
Bicycle Blues
Brush with Stupidity
Prop Arc Safety
Surprise Flush
Pop Like a Grape
A Darwin Dog
Round Lake Short Cut
Man Versus Mower
Tourist Trap
Testing the Waters
The Egg Factory
Bye Bye Birdie
Brewery Mishap
Instant Sunrise
Other Personal Years 
2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001 2000 1999 Vintage
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum


2000 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next Prev Random


Tourist Trap  
2000 Personal Account

How I Nearly Became Part of History

I've been fascinated by the Roman Empire since I was a wee lad. So on a business trip to France in December 1997, I took time off to visit some ruins in Orange -- an amphitheater and triumphal arch constructed in the first century AD That night, as I dined in Avignon, I read my tourist's guide and discovered that the famous aqueduct at Pont de Garde was only twenty kilometers away!

It was a clear and windy night with a full moon. Either under its influence, or that of a half-bottle of Chateauneuf de Pape, I decided that I would just drive out there and see what could be seen.

When I arrived at 9:30pm the parking lot and tourist facilities were deserted, and the road to the aqueduct was chained off. I could see clearly by the full moon, so I walked up for a closer look. As walked towards this marvel of ancient engineering, gazing at it in what a charitable friend later said was "childlike wonder" but others characterized as "an idiotic daze," the solid stone road fell out from under me. What I had taken to be a shadow in the road was in fact a meter-wide gap between the modern bridge and the aqueduct.

I skinned my shin, banged my back on the ledge, and plummeted two meters to land on my feet in the bottom of a trench. Overhead to my right, I saw the narrow stone bridge where pedestrians are supposed to walk.

I painfully climbed out of the trench, then jumped right back in to retrieve my rental car key and climbed out again. X-rays later showed that I had cracked a rib, but I got off lightly. The trench could easily have been ten or fifty meters deep, in which case I would have been pruned from further contributions to the gene pool.

I hope my daughter is more levelheaded! © 1994 - 2020
: Jim Buchman

Awful? 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Great?
Hate it! Love it!
Previous Directions Next

Advanced Search

HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend © 1994 - 2022