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2000 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes deceased) readers. Next


Feces Pieces 
2000 Personal Account

(March 2000) My neighbor Mike describes himself as "the guy who steps on the rake," alluding to the old rake-handle-to-the-face gag. One Saturday evening, he told this story as a one-upmanship to my tale of my bad day at work. He won.

Mike works in a plumbing supply store, and when he dressed for work on Saturday morning, he found he had mistakenly grabbed the uniform belonging to a co-worker about half his size. Late for work, Mike squeezed into the the uniform anyway, with legs and sleeves too short and the buttons popping.

He arrived at work a few minutes late, greeted by the resounding guffaws of his co-workers enjoying the sight of his undersized uniform. He fled to use the men's room, and found the toilets were all backed up. He and his boss, a very large man who knows his plumbing, went out to the leech field and lifted the lid off the holding tank. They poured in a bottle of an enzyme which breaks up solid wastes.

Mike and his boss had a smoke and made small talk while they were standing beside the open septic tank. Mike often has to pick up the cigarette butts on the grounds around the shop, so he decideed to flick his butt into the open tank.

The moment the smoldering butt dropped into the septic tank, the gases inside ignited and blew the vent pipe at the far end of the leech field 30 feet up. With a low roar, the contents of the tank exploded into the air, covering Mike and his boss from head to toe with the fecal contents of the tank. Inside the building, the toilets also exploded with excrement, spewing liquid and shattering toilet lids.

Of course, the two men couldn't work in feces-soaked clothes, so Mike's boss asked his wife bring clothes to the shop for the two of them. This time Mike got a uniform twice his size

What else would you expect from "the guy who steps on the rake"? © 1994 - 2020

Submitted by: David Kelly

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