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2000 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes deceased) readers. Next


A Darwin Dog 
2000 Personal Account

This pet pooch story is the closest I've come to finding an animal Darwin Award nominee. - Darwin

(1988) A friend of my family had a dog, who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent. This dog was not the most intelligent beast to walk the earth, but it was a pretty good canine by pet standards. One day, the family went on a picnic and brought the usual fare of potato chips, sandwiches, and soda. When they came back home and tossed the trash away, they forgot to close the garbage can all the way. The dog, knowing he was doing a bad dog thing, poked into the trash and found the potato chip bag. He dragged the bag to the kitchen floor, and proceeded to lick the inside clean, as only a dog can. The bag barely fit over the dog's head, and he stretched to reach the crumbs in the bottom of the bag, pulling the bag over his head. Unfortunately, he was in the bag a little too long. The dog suffocated trying to reach that one last crumb in the bag. The owners, sad and guilty over their role in their pet's demise, claimed, "He died happy. He was probably thinking, 'If I can just hold my breath one more minute, Ill get that chip riiiight there…'" If a human's fantasy is to die during orgasm, I'm sure many a canine would like to expire chasing that one last forbidden potato chip.

A footnote from Jerry: "Animals can be as stupid as people. Just watch chickens get trampled to death in a rush to be the one to drink the water dripping from the ceiling while abundant water is available all around, or a dozen sheep following one another, each stopping to look down the cliff at the bodies of it's buddies before stepping out into space."

Sonja Natus agrees that individual animals can be eligible for a Darwin Award: "On German television they had a video clip of a cat that didnīt want to come down from a tree. After several hours of trying, there was no other choice but to cut the top branches all off, until the cat came falling down with the last one. As soon as the cat fell to the ground, she jumped up and raced to the next tree, and ran right up into the crown again. This game kept on going until all 4 or 5 trees along the street had no tops left. Iīm shure itīs not the usual cat behaviour. Most of them are pretty smart, but there's really not so much of a difference between animals and humans after all. Not all of them are fit for life."

Do you think animals should be eligible for the Darwin Award? Visit our Philosophy Forum and voice your opinion. © 1994 - 2020

Submitted by: Sarah Hayllar

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