How my father eliminated himself from the gene pool.
(July 2000) My father tried various ways to remove himself from the gene
pool. Most methods were mundane: slow suicide by tobacco, alcohol, and bad
diet. But one incident stands out, caused by Dad's habit of driving down
the road lighting firecrackers off his cigarette.
He enjoyed throwing them out the window as he drove down the street. For
convenience he kept the firecrackers in his lap. The fuses are wound
together, so he would unwind one, light-throw-BANG! Unwind another,
light-throw-BANG! You get the picture.
Those who study Darwin know that, given enough time, a person such as this
can be relied upon to cause himself harm. Dear old Dad accidentally added a
bounce to his light-throw-bang sequence: the firecracker bounced off the
door and into his lap. A few firecrackers popped, setting off the remaining
firecrackers, and there was some pretty creative driving for awhile, amid
much smoke and cussing.
I do not know how extensive the damage was to Dad's reproductive
organs--but I know I was the last of nine children! Considering his very
Darwinian judgment, it was amazing his DNA was so successful.
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Submitted by: Little Anna