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2000 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes deceased) readers. Next


My Friend John's Testis 
2000 Personal Account

(March 2000) I am submitting this story in remembrance of my friend John's testis. It was a prank gone awry. It was two years ago, and I was working in the office. As usual, my boss was being a dick, but this day was different. I could quit this job today, because I had an offer from a rival company. It was my turn to get him back for being a dick.

I waited until he left his office on a bathroom break, and sneaked in with a small tube of superglue. I delicately applied a bead of adhesive to the rim of his coffee cup. I knew that I only had 20 seconds or so before the glue set. I guess it was one of those "Maybe I'll get him and maybe I won't" kind of opportunities.

Just as I stepped out of the office, my friend John, who hates the boss just as much as I do, stepped in and, to my horror, began to urinate into the coffee. This was extremely unfortunate for John. Not only did the boss catch him, but he could not remove his balls from the superglued cup.

I stood in the crowd of onlookers as paramedics arrived and loaded up poor John. I rushed to the hospital to see how he was doing. When I got there, I had to wait for about two hours before I could sneak in with his wife to see him. I was ready to confess, or at least I thought I was.

I asked John how he was doing, and what the doctors had done to help him. He explained that when the boss walked in on him, he quickly tried to pull the coffee cup away, but instead ripped his scrotum right open. Struck with fear, he fainted. When he awoke, the doctor told him that one testis and a quarter of his scrotum had to be removed. Then the doctor read him a fax from the boss stating that he was fired.

I then said what any man would have felt compelled to say in this situation. "Tough break," I said, and then I went on my way. © 1994 - 2020

Submitted by: Anonymous

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