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Darwin Awards
2001 Personal Accounts
Email a Friend The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next Prev Random

 
 
Tube Snake
2001 Personal Account

Last year my medical internship at a local hospital brought me a patient who deserves recognition. His problem was listed as "FBIP" which a nurse explained meant "Foreign Body In Penis." I found a middle-aged, slightly disheveled hippy lying on the bed looking dazed. His girlfriend was standing silently behind him. His story was as interesting as I'd expected.

Several days previously he was smoking marijuana while his girlfriend was out of town, and he decided to see what would happen if he snaked a three-foot length of aquarium tubing into his penis. When 6 inches still protruded, he tried to pull it out -- but it was stuck!

This predicament apparently didn't teach him a complete lesson. He then threaded wire from a Weed Wacker through the center of the tubing, which also became stuck. He decided to sleep on it and hope for the best.

The next day, it was still stuck. He tried to go about his day as usual, hoping it would just fall out on its own, but had trouble doing his gardening with tubing hanging out of his penis. So he cut the tubing flush with his skin. Another day went by.

He finally realized that the foreign objects were impeding the flow of urine, and despite his embarrassment he needed to go to the Emergency Room.

We tugged and pulled on what little we could grab of the tubing, and he wasn't kidding when he said it was stuck. X-rays showed the tubing and Weed Wacker wire kinked and knotted in his bladder. A urologist took the man to surgery and, using a scope forced through the already-crowded urethra, managed to cut the knot and pull out the tubing. Needless to say, that is one stoned experiment the hippy will not try again.

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Submitted by: Matthew Harris

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