(22 January 2016, Michigan) He should have kept his hands on the
wheel. Referred to as a "distracted driver," Clifford Ray Jones, 58, lost
his life early Sunday morning when he rolled his Toyota
while driving on the onramp to I75.
It was not traffic he was trying to
beat. Driving onto the expressway without pants -- without seatbelt --
with a wide-open sunroof in winter -- watching a porno flick on the mobile
-- well, police as well as Darwin Awards reporters draw the obvious
At 3:40am his vehicle went out of control, rolled, and
crashed. Our hero was ejaculated through the sun roof in a spectacular
climax to a good life. Come and gone at the same time, Clifford and his
beloved wanky will be fondly remembered in our archives.
In the wee hours...
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