(23 September 2016, Virginia) Sidney Zelaya Gonzalez, 20, was pinning a
king-size mattress to top of a van with the weight of her body, intent on
claiming the free curb-side find, when her luck ran out. Perhaps the young
woman was testing a physics theory and betting that friction would keep the
two fixed in place. Alas, both of them slipped off the moving vehicle and,
unfortunately, one of them did not bounce back.
The young woman was nominated for the notorious Darwin Award when it became
apparent that she was suffering from a terminal case of bed-head.
The poor judgment of the dearly departed was confirmed when Prince William police
spokesman Nathan Probus stated that the van was driven by an unlicensed
driver. Police also shared the opinion that "the women were not trying to
pull off some kind of stunt," which was true enough.
Alternative Title Suggestions
Robin Koontz: "Her Final Resting Place."
Jamie Saxon: "Bed-Head" or "Blanket Statement"
Paul Hutchinson, "Matt Finish"
Bob Carr, "Mattressed In Pieces"
Dave Mitton, "Rest in pieces!"
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Reference: Fauquier Times