August 12, 2018
The Evolution Revolution
Honoring Mother Nature
Twitter Darwin Awards
and Facebook Darwins
Homo sapiens sapiens
An Endangered Species?
August 882, France || Blindly following lust, the world came crashing down
upon the head of King Louis III, overzealous ruler of Francia. Despite
great military success, great loss followed on its heels
when a comely lady caught his eye...
July 2018, Australia || The ban on shopping bags has taken a terrible toll. A 58-year-old woman was run over by her Mazda after she pulled over to check whether the grocery bags were in the trunk...
June 2018, Czech Republic || Storms and torrential rains did not deter four
geo-cache seekers from climbing into an underground waterway in search of
sunken treasure. Lest you think them innocent of
stupidity, look at this photo...
October 2017, United States || Flying home from a week-long Naval event
that included Low Altitude Awareness Training, two experienced military
pilots traded off at the controls while 'flat hatting' across the terrain
at low altitude and high speed...
April 2018, Australia ||
He survives a Darwin Award attempt! Seemingly ignorant of the effect
of momentum on his trajectory, an athletic male train-surfer waves to the
camera before leaping off a moving train as it
crosses the Fremantle Bridge...
Mind the orange cone zone! In March a #NewJersey man from Wanaque--loathe
to delay shoveling Dad's driveway--saw no danger in driving 'round
barricades and 'cross a live #electricity wire. Ironically he was employed
as a career electrician! #DarwinAwards #YourDeathMatters
VIDEO VIA HELICOPTER...
January 2015, New Zealand || Finally some rest for Matthew Smith, 26,
killed while trying to silence noisy late-night music at the Whangaruru
Campground. Our exasperated Darwin Award winner set out to sort out the
a metal LEATHERMAN in his hand...
September 2017, California || Fun-loving Cody Horn's last act was to pilot
a golf cart towed by garden hose behind a vehicle
on State Highway 4. The cart
crossed the double yellow line...
January 2018, Selangor || Zaim Kosnan spotted a twelve-foot reticulated
python dozing on the side of the road. "That sizeable snake is worth
money!" The 35-year-old prepared for this windfall with
gloves and a sickle...
October 2017, Malaysia || A spiritual magician styled 'Black Dog' died
while performing a ritual to cleanse body and soul. He seated himself
inside an industrial wok, alongside sweet corn and vegetarian
buns, and the steamer lid was lowered...
January 2018 || Darwin Double! After a road collision near Stary Krzew in
Poland, two men emerged from their banged-up cars and began arguing. The
argument grew into a physical fight...then shrank down
to bloodstains on the asphalt...
Nine Small Lines: Nine people, a hotel room, and mail delivery of a plain package from a foreign country containing a mysterious white powder labelled SCOOP. No one had ordered the substance yet they decided it might be cocaine...clear a blockage...
Historic Darwin Award! U.S. Founding Father Gouverneur Morris, a signatory
to the Articles of Confederation and U.S. Constitution, died in 1816 from
an infection caused by shoving a whalebone into his urethra to
clear a blockage...
At-Risk Survivor: Monumentally incredible darwinity, verified in a
respected Medical Journal! A 20-year-old man arrived at the emergency room
complaining of rectal pain. Abdominal films revealed a
radiopaque object in
the lower rectum...
February 2018, Berlin || A 19-year-old and his soon-to-be-ex were walking
along the beautiful Havel River, quarreling. The frustrated man suddenly
shoved the woman into the icy river!
She could swim, he could not...
June 2017, Russia || Double Darwin Award winners redefine 'Backseat
Driving' in a tale of Russian intelligence. An amorous couple died while
procreating in the back seat of their Niva SUV...
July 2017, Singapore || In a new twist on, 'Hold my beer and watch this!' a
teen handed Snapchat to a friend and with a whoop of glee he leapt over a
foot-bridge railing, intending to land
dramatically on a parapet below...
January 2018, Gaza || A sexagenarian was examining his personal weapon in his home when he inadvertently discharged it into his face! Twenty-one days after accidentally shooting himself, Abu Hamam, 62, succumbed to the
Today's Group Darwin Award is for the males of the Woolly Mammoth species,
Mammuthus primigenius, an elephant species extinct for about 10,000
years--in part due to the males' penchant for fossilization...
April 2017, RUSSIA || A Russian welder noticed how well a fire extinguisher
fits into a howitzer! Inspired, he stuffed the fire
extinguisher down the cannon barrel... BEST Darwin Award Winner of the Decade!
April 2017, South Carolina || After two weeks without hot water
or refrigeration, a man attempted to restore electric power to his
home. Illegally. While we feel sympathy for his situation, what happens
when a powerless thief grabs a metal ladder and jumper cables...?
April 2017, France || Locked in his bedroom by Mom, a French man leaves by
climbing down the ethernet cable...
March 2017, Mexico || Standing on a truck on an airport runway, our
Double-Darwin Award Winners Nitzia and Clarissa chose a regrettable
location for a cell phone
March 2017, Germany | Blasting apart a train ticket machine was supposed to
buy him a ticket to the good life, but instead the 31-year-old purchased
passage in the opposite direction...
Plug in your iPhone and drop it into your bath water, and
suddenly coroners are demanding
May 2016, Brazil | Pulling out a gun at an ethanol station? With 87% burns,
you got "lucky" this time, but Evolution is keeping her eye on
February 2017, Zimbabwe | Three male humans, three male elephants, and a dream of a perfect wildlife
selfie leads to the first 2017 Darwin Award! You don't have to outrun the
elephant... you just have to outrun the other guy.
June 2016, Wyoming | Colin Scott, 23, was enjoying a graduation vacation at
Yellowstone National Park when the beautiful hot springs reminded him that
he could use a good soak...
2007, Australia | When you work as a
diver on a pearl farm, there are many ways to 'buy the farm.' The head
diver, known as Sharky, was not afraid to take risks to get the job
done. Sharky was a loose gun in a company of cowboys...
Michigan || Stupidity doesn't get worse than this. Three bikini-clad women were stranded on the banks of the Muskegon River with no food, no shelter, no clothing, when a river tubing excursion went 'Naked and Afraid'...
November 2015, Croatia || In the
journals of jurisprudence, stupid rises to a new level when a criminal in
solitary confinement decides to whip out his contraband
lighter. No you cannot make jail
December 2005, Colorado || "87 Days Without An Accident" the
construction site sign
proudly proclaimed, until the
cold winter day acrobatic Mr. Ryan Young reset that count to zero. People get stir crazy in the cold dark days of winter...
January 2016, Michigan || Referred to as a "distracted driver," Clifford
Ray Jones, 58, was driving without pants -- without seatbelt -- and with a
porno flick screening on his mobile. It was not traffic he was
trying to beat...
September 2016, Virginia || Sidney Zelaya, 20, was riding a mattress on top
of a van when both of them slipped off the vehicle. She was nominated for
the notorious Darwin Award when it became apparent she was not going to
bounce back from a bad case of bed head.
July 2016, California || Pokémon's unanticipated "Go Jump"
feature is predicted to have a dwindling fan base. Two California men
blindly followed app clues to a clue-less "75 to 100 foot" tumble down a
crumbling ocean cliff with minor injuries, missing a full DARWIN. Falling For
MEN ARE MORE IDIOTIC THAN WOMEN. Scientific research on sex trends in the
Darwin Awards shows striking asymmetry between the number of male and
female winners. Thanks Ben Lendrem for your thorough analysis of
[Idiots Trending on
July 2014, Costa Rica || A banana plantation was the setting for a Friday
evening robbery in Limón. Villegas, 30, lived in the same building
as the farm's cafeteria before his fatal slip-up. He was in the process of
(breaking into the cafe...)
The HONORABLE MENTION is bestowed on survivors of blunders that
flabbergast the rest of us. The judges point a finger at certain
individuals who are up and coming in the competition to win a Darwin Award.
Recent Honorable Mentions
are Mr. Magnetron, and
Marshmallow Mouth Gator Guy. The
opposite of role models, these living legends are here on Earth to serve as
a warning to others!
(1) A vodka-swilling pill-popping airline customer.
(2) A potted plant made of plastic.
(3) Airport security video showing the former climbing the latter.
And then came the elevator...
MUSICAL THEME: "Boom boom out go the lights!" HINT: Two men collected over
100 frag grenades, bazookas, fuse materials and ammunition from the forests
(Find out what happened in Kemi, Finland...)
May 2014, Arizona || The mummified remains of a man who was unexpectedly
discovered in a Tucson manhole tell their own poignant story. The manhole
was opened in May to investigate a
(fluctuation in electrical power...)
(February 2014, United Kingdom) Scott McKimmie's purple Volkswagen
Cabriolet would not be considered roadworthy by most people, but to a handy
mechanic a flaw can be considered a security feature.
( Read on...)
(17 September 2014, Pakistan) Two correspondents nominated the gullible
acolyte who volunteered to be killed and resurrected by a holy man--and not
a holy man who was experienced with the procedure, but a beginner who
thought he'd give it a whirl! ("Religion did him in.")
(23 September 2014, India) Life of Pi, move over, Maqsood has a tale
to tell. This 19-year-old factory worker joined a White tiger for lunch
yesterday in the cat's Delhi zoo home. After being cautioned twice to not
climb over the fence enclosing the tiger enclosure, Maqsood climbed over
the fence a third time and then swam across the moat over to Tiger
Island. ("India zoo gains a meal, loses a patron...")
(25 May 2014, Georgia) 18-year-old Chance Werner had recently graduated
from high school and on the early hours of Sunday morning he was at Lake
Allatoona celebrating with friends by playing the Shopping Cart Game. The
Shopping Cart Game is evidently popular...
(May 2014, England) In the interest of public safety, the Darwin Awards
editors are releasing this ribald and unsavory event to the public to serve
as a warning to adventurous amorous males. EYEWITNESS: "Being part of the
emergency services, firemen were called to the A&E Department of a central
London hospital to assist in removing a thing ring... (more)
(2 March 2014, Rotterdam, Netherlands) Two apparently intoxicated men dared
each other to test their courage against an intercity train at a Rotterdam
train station. At 1800 hours on a Sunday night, the station was crowded
with more than 300 fans returning from a soccer-match pitting Feyenoord
against Ajax at De Kuip, the most beautiful soccer stadium in
NO DARWIN AWARD: "No Bull, No Bullets!"
3 August 2014, Chicago | NOT a Darwin Award winner: the accidental shooting
death of a man who failed to prove that his gun had no bullets, when he
pointed the gun at his head and pulled the trigger. Moderators have ruled
this recent Illinois shooting death "too common" and lacking the creativity
of a true Darwin Award. Sorry, Mr. Zyzanski (rawstory.com)
Hi! I am Wendy, Curator of the Darwin Awards, here with a
PSA. Enjoy a browse in our Slush Pile. The Slush
Pile is moderated by volunteers, and you and I owe them a round of drinks
and fresh organic snacks. Check out the Slush Pile archives, Fountain
from which the Darwin Awards are Fished.
Human Intelligence is MIA,
Evolve! Urges the ghost of Charles Darwin.
Darwin Awards: Extinction of Species.
"Clap, clap, clap."
Fave Crook Crapouts
1994 Darwin Award: Short Circuit
1999 Darwin Award: Good Trumps Evil at Church
2002 Darwin Award: Caveat Emptor
2007 Darwin Award: Descent of Man
2009 Darwin Award: Crushing Debt
2008 Darwin Award: On the Piste
2001 Darwin Award: God Saves?
2008 Darwin Award: Thou Shalt Not Steel
2009 Darwin Award: Sparkleberry Lane
2001 Darwin Award: Killing Time
1990 Darwin Award: Wrong Time, Wrong Place
2008 Darwin Award: Slippery When Wet
2007 Darwin Award: Support Group
2007 Darwin Award: Crutch, Meet Crotch
2005 Darwin Award: Kittie Toy
2002 Darwin Award: Chainsaw Insurance
2008 Darwin Award: Payback
2014 Darwin Award: Crispy Copper Fries
2002 Darwin Award: Faulty Aim Fatal
2000 Darwin Award: Shorties: Stupid Human Tricks
1990 Darwin Award: Tired Ammo
2006 Darwin Award: A Slow Burn
2007 Darwin Award: Four Great Ideas
2000 Darwin Award: Home Grown Chute