The Darwin Awards 

2007 Darwin News
Crutch, Meet Crotch
The Enema Within
Falling in Love
Support Group
Weight Lift
A Cow-ardly Death
Beer for Bears
Stop. Look. Listen.
A Prop-er Sendoff
Oil Tank Trampoline
Elephants Press Back
The Alchemist
Barn Razing
Electronic Fireworks
Timing is Everything
Descent of Man
Sky Surfer
The Laptop Still Works!
Fatal a-Traction
Four Great Ideas
Fatal Foaming Action
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2007 Darwin Awards
Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it. Next Prev Random

The Alchemist  
2007 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

(10 December 2007, Russia) As a child, Sergei promised his grandmother, "I will establish for you the elixir of immortality! I want you to live forever." As an adult, we find Sergei sitting in his college biology class, licking potassium cyanide off his palm. He had found that magic elixir. He swallowed poisons daily, to strengthen his body and protect him from death.

He regularly consumed small quantities of toxic mushrooms, arsenic, and cyanide salts, and urged others to join him. During daring night-time excursions, Sergei often said, "I shall not die. I have swallowed poison for years, and today, nothing can kill me."

After swallowing the cyanide, he began to feel ill, and asked his classmates to fetch some water. But instead of drinking plain water, he dissolved the rest of the cyanide powder in it, and consumed the solution. Sergei was an intelligent student, interested in chemistry and anatomy. He earned a gold medal, and was accepted into two universities, the Medical Academy and the Ural State University.

But Sergei's scientific premise was flawed. Instead of immortality, he had discovered the elixir of mortality. He went into convulsions, slipped into a coma, and died without regaining consciousness. His father praised Sergei as a gifted chemist who died for the sake of science.


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