2003 Darwin Awards

Love Struck

2003 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

"Does it really matter what these affectionate
people do, so long as they don't do it in the street
and frighten the horses?" -Mrs. Patrick Campbell

(3 March 2002, England) As Kim and Paul left the Sheffield pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating a pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle -- consummate their relationship -- on the asphalt outside the pub. Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling.

The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their coital position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian. An off-duty paramedic honked and shouted, "You want to get up, otherwise you'll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way.

Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud...

Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down.

The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's irregular actions, and a police investigator's statement that "to expect a driver to anticipate a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary," a judge fined him for careless driving, and his license was revoked for six months. Fortunately, his employers consider him an excellent employee, and plan to give him other duties for six months. Relatives of the victims said they were glad the driver had kept his job.

This tale surely answers the Beatles' question, "Why don't we do it in the road?"

DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2022
Submitted by: Cheryl-Ann Bernhardt, Q, C S Hill, Fran Dowd, Paul Roberts
Reference: The Sun Online, Daily Sport (UK), www.sundaytimes.co.za, Sheffield Star, www.yorkshiretv.com, Yorkshire Post

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