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2001 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next Prev Random


Flat Fix Fizzles
2001 Personal Account

(14 Febrary 2001, Australia) Just when I thought you yanks had cornered the market in stoopid, this little gem occured virtually in my own backyard. After spending a considerable time in our village pub, a couple of tourists headed back to their accomodations several kilometers from the town.

Along the way, their car got a flat tyre. No problemo! He gets out, jacks up the offending wheel, removes the wheel nuts... and the car falls off the jack. Not wishing to go to all the bother of jacking it up again, this cheery couple decides to proceed on the flat. Only they don't get very far because, as I mentioned, the wheel nuts have been taken off and the wheel falls off the car.

When you are faced with a missing wheel in the gathering darkness in a fairly remote area, there are not a lot of options open to you. This clever chappy, however, exercised an option that would not have occurred to the rest of us. He grabs a .22 rifle, sticks it under his chin, hollers "I've had enough of this!" and pulls the trigger. The hollow-point bullet travels up through his mouth, doing awful things to his tongue along the way, and lodges somewhere behind his nose. Fortunately (?) another car happens by shortly after the event, and the 'victim' is transported back to the pub where we started this tale. First aid is given, an ambulance arrives and our hero is whisked off to the nearest hospital thirty kilometers away.

Now here is the kicker. When the medicos get to work to remove the slug and repair chummy's head they find a second projectile, one that has been in place for a considerable length of time. This second bullet had been fired from an air rifle in an earlier attempt to escape from life's vexations.

This guy doesn't qualify for an award yet, but he is a rising star. Next time he might just get hold of a 12 gauge shotgun... © 1994 - 2020
Submitted by: Terry Lane

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