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How my father nearly eliminated himself from the gene pool.
(July 2000) My father tried various methods to eliminate himself from the gene pool. Most methods were mundane: slow suicide by tobacco, alcohol use, and bad diet. It was amazing he lived. considering his very Darwinian judgement. One incident in particular was caused by Dad's habit of driving down the road lighting firecrackers off his cigarette. He enjoyed throwing them out the window as he drove down the street.
For convenience he kept the firecrackers in his lap. The fuses are wound together. He would unwind one, light-throw-bang, unwind another, light-throw-bang. You get the picture.
We who study Darwin know that given enough time, a stupid person can be relied upon to cause himself harm. Dear old Dad added a bounce to his light-throw-bang sequence and the firecracker bounced off the door and into his lap. A few firecrackers popped and set fire to the remaining firecrackers and there was some pretty creative driving for awhile, amid much smoke and cussing. I do not know how extensive the damage was to Dad's reproductive organs but I know I was the last of nine children!
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Submitted by: Little Anna
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Why I'm the Last of Nine Children
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