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2000 Personal Accounts
Email a Friend The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next Prev Random

 
 
Why I'm the Last of Nine Children  
2000 Personal Account

How my father eliminated himself from the gene pool.

(July 2000) My father tried various ways to remove himself from the gene pool. Most methods were mundane: slow suicide by tobacco, alcohol, and bad diet. But one incident stands out, caused by Dad's habit of driving down the road lighting firecrackers off his cigarette.

He enjoyed throwing them out the window as he drove down the street. For convenience he kept the firecrackers in his lap. The fuses are wound together, so he would unwind one, light-throw-BANG! Unwind another, light-throw-BANG! You get the picture.

Those who study Darwin know that, given enough time, a person such as this can be relied upon to cause himself harm. Dear old Dad accidentally added a bounce to his light-throw-bang sequence: the firecracker bounced off the door and into his lap. A few firecrackers popped, setting off the remaining firecrackers, and there was some pretty creative driving for awhile, amid much smoke and cussing.

I do not know how extensive the damage was to Dad's reproductive organs--but I know I was the last of nine children! Considering his very Darwinian judgment, it was amazing his DNA was so successful.

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Submitted by: Little Anna

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