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Darwin Awards
2000 Personal Accounts
Email a Friend The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next
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It Gets Worse...  
2000 Personal Account

(March 1999, South Africa) I was getting a lift home from a chess tournament, and my friend Jason and his mom were fighting. He got out of the car and ran away, and his mom urged me to chase after him. Trying to show off my pace, I sprinted towards Jason at top speed. Now, I have very weak eyes, and I happened to overlook a chain, which I ran straight into, somersaulted over, and landed on the ground with a nasty cut across my neck.

In shock, I stood up and looked towards the car, feeling faint. I saw Jason's mom running towards me, signaling me to take a step forward. Little did I know there was a steep flight of stairs behind me, formerly protected by the chain barrier. I interpreted her hand movements as a signal to take a step back, which I did.

I fell down all three flights of stairs and landed on some beer bottles. Luckily I was alright, just a bit shaken. But as I stood up, I began to vomit. I put my hands down on the ground -- right onto the broken glass, which lacerated the nerves in my fingers.

Covered with blood, with me crying my eyes out, we started for home. Jason's mom was shaken by the incident, and was driving badly. At a traffic circle, she jumped right over it and we had a traffic accident. The only one injured? Me!

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Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest

Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.
$15
The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is.

Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head!

123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more.

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