|Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.|
The Dumb Tax?
(15 April 2001, Tennessee) The day before the US tax filing deadline, which
happened to be Sunday, April 15 (because the tax filing deadline is
extended when the US Post Office is closed) a Memphis Darwin Award winner
was in a rush to file. Enroute to the post office, he was evidently trying
to beat a train when he drove around the crossing gates -- only to be
struck by an oncoming vehicle/driver with the same mad plan. The driver of
the northbound vehicle was killed, the southbound wounded; making this
monumental stupidity the first instance we have witnessed of a Darwin Award
winner colliding with an At-Risk Survivor. The accident happened to one
side of the tracks so, as a cosmic act of politeness, the train passed by
unimpeded and the passengers were not inconvenienced.
However, a double dumb Honorable Mention is quite similar...
"Honorable Mention: One morning before school started, we noticed an accident there at the high school train crossing. We assumed the train had hit a car. Actually, the car hit the train. A senior ("J.J. Brains" after this) thought he was running late for school. (Actually dumfuk would have been 10 minutes early.) When the gates came down at the crossing he was behind _three_ stopped cars, and not wanting to be late, he pulled out and stomped on the gas. He went around all three cars, noticed just before crossing the track that the he would not make it, slammed on his brakes, and skidded/smashed into the engine. His 1970's era P.O.N.T.I.A.C. was totalled, the roof crushed at least 3 feet down. He survived only because the driver's seat was defective and broke backwards in the crash, leaving him lying on his back, with a skull fracture, broken collar bone, and numerous cuts from broken glass. To grind salt into stupid and hurt, he owed CalTrain $10,000 for the damage to the engine! Brains."
"Lies die Kommentare dazu..."
"Sic transit non compos mentis in gloriae aeterna."
"A perfect match: Stupid hits stupid."
"You can dodge the train!" [ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump] "No, stupid, do it like this!"