The Darwin Awards 
Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
2000 Darwins
Shorties: Stupid Human Tricks
Gun Safety Training
The Daily Grind
Fireworks Fiasco
Niagara Falls
Home Grown Chute
Come On In!
Human Popsicle
Stab in the Dark
Fast Food Fatality
Forklift Safety Video
Sand Surfing
Shocking Fall
Crappy Driving Award
Do It Yourself, Do Yourself In
Father Knows Best
Testing Faith
What's That Ringing?
William Tell Overture
Chute Boy
Human Hitching Post
Out With a Bang!
Ostrich Axioms
Settle the Score
Rappin' on Heaven's Door
Short & Sweet
Circular Reasoning
Baby Drives Me Crazy
Two Avalanche Alaskan
Three Clowns on a Scooter
Fantastic Plastic Lover
Elevator Wedgie
Hornet Challenge
High on Grass
Running of the Bulls
Stoned Sleep
Polar Bear Swim
Can Duck Shooters Swim?
Kiss of Death
Duct Tape
Perilous Pose
Tired of it All
A Fell Death
Throwing Stones
Moscow Marauder
Concrete Cylinder Roll
Power Punch Proves Fatal
Other Darwin Years 
2018 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008 2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001 2000 1999 1998 1997 1996 1995 1994 Vintage
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum


Darwin Awards
2000 Darwin Awards
Email a Friend Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it. Next

Father Knows Best  
2000 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

(13 March 2000, New Jersey) It started out like a scene from The Brady Bunch. Andrew and his fiancée were living together with his three children and her three children in Dover Township, when an argument over chocolate cake icing erupted.

Andrew accused his ten-year-old son of taking the missing container, and the two became embroiled in a heated disagreement. Andrew took the boy out to the garage for a private discussion, and there the conversation became even more emotional. Then the man made his fatal mistake.

He handed a five-inch kitchen knife to his angry son, and challenged the boy to stab him if he hated him so much. The boy put the knife down, but Andrew picked it up and placed it in his hand again. In the heat of the moment the outraged boy took him up on the offer and plunged the knife into his chest. The deadly blow happened so fast that no one could stop it.

Andrew was pronounced dead at Community Medical Center. His last words were "Would you believe the kid did that?"

The fourth grader, charged with manslaughter and illegal possession of a weapon, faces up to three years imprisonment. But Ocean County prosecutor E. David Millard said it was unlikely that he would serve jail time, as the boy had been provoked. © 1994 - 2012
Submitted by: Ged, Helen Shin, John Tupin, Michael Panzer, Graham Crackers
Reference: John Curran of the Associated Press, Robert Hanley of the New York Times, Philadelphia Daily News, Jean Mickle and Wilford S. Shamlin of the Asbury Park Press

This is a classic Darwin. The man will no longer reproduce, and his son obviously had better genes for survival than his father-his mother's contribution, plus the more robust half of his father's genes. Although a man who could inspire such rage in a child is not a sympathetic figure, it is unfortunate that his son was traumatized.


What Readers Think

This is more Oedipus than Darwin.
Freud - Wednesday, March 15 at 10:46:24 PST
Icing on the cake... blood sugar blowout. The sugar of the missing icing may have contributed to the "rush" of events. Bill Slawson
let's leave out stupidity and emotional abuse at a child's expense. Apparently, the asshole had it coming if he could inspire that much rage in a little boy....but it's not funny. not even morbidly funny.
heather - Wednesday, March 15 at 11:20:11 PST
This is classic Darwin. That man will no longer reproduce. His son obviously had better genes for survival than his father (his mother's contribution, plus the more robust half of his father's genes), and so only the fathers good genes survive. The gene pool is strengthened, and humanity will benefit.
Gerald - Wednesday, March 15 at 14:15:55 PST
I have to agree with Heather. It's funny on the surface, but once you dig a little, it's just plain disturbing. Sonofabitch deserved to die. The boy obviously needs counseling more than a stay in prison.
Brann - Wednesday, March 15 at 15:11:44 PST
Charge him with manslaughter??? No way! Congratulate him for helping rid the planet of bad genes. Set him free so that he can attend the 2000 Darwin Awards Banquet, and accept his late father's trophy.
Nancy - Wednesday, March 15 at 15:13:54 PST
You're missing the point, Heather. This has nothing to do with whether or not what happened is funny (its not). The issue is whether or not the father "Improved our gene pool by being too stupid to live or retain the ability to contribute to the gene pool," as stated in the Darwin Rules. This gentleman is a legitimate contender. Its too bad that his son will be mentally scarred because of this. However, every person who wins a Darwin award has friends and family members that are saddened or traumatized by their loss. That doesn't lessen their contribution to human evolution.
Derek - Wednesday, March 15 at 16:09:05 PST
good for the kid. i wish i could have seen the fathers face when the knife went in. i hope the kid twisted the blade.
yllib - Thursday, March 16 at 13:20:14 PST
I'm not convinced this story can be true, as I'm sure it requires some strength to force a knife through somebody's chest. Well, at least the breast plate anyway. Would a 10 yr old have been strong enough?
Ruxpin - Friday, March 17 at 06:31:10 PST
You are no anatomical genius, Ruxpin. Nothing says you have to drive it through the breastplate. Between 2 ribs can be just as lethal, and is very easy to do. And a very pissed off 10 year old could penetrate the brestplate.
Ron - Friday, March 17 at 07:42:50 PST
Believe me some 10 year olds are very strong... I worked as a counselor with 8 and 9 year olds some of whom were 5 feet tall, and quite strong. I don't think this was tragic, I think it was a blessing in disguise.
A.H. - Thursday, March 30 at 17:54:52 PST
I think that the father thought the son loved him, I guess he was wrong. I think its tragic.
Innuendo - Sunday, March 19 at 00:35:57 PST
Stupidity is usually tragic. I'm not sure the awards should make us laugh, but think.
Nocturno - Sunday, March 26 at 07:06:24 PST
Sounds like The Brady Bunch episode where Peter stabs Mike in the chest. Wait a minute, that wasn't Peter... Marsha Marsha Marsha!!!!
Louie The Lizard - Friday, March 17 at 16:02:17 PST
i think the father probably took the boy into the shed to threaten him or pick on him. or maybe its something far more disgusting i reckon he deserved to die, even if he didn't the stupidity of giving a pissed off 10 year old (who i don't think could have really known what he was doing in his state of mind) was sheer stupidity. its not funny, but it stupid
I think more people should ask to be eliminated from the gene pool. Why leave it to chance? It was a magnanamous act for this gentleman to help evolution along, rather than wait to be eliminated by a gun, or a snowmobile, or a lobster...
Previous Directions Next

Game of Death Tee
Game Tee
Birthday Blast Card
Birthday Card
Darwin: Evolve Mousepad
Charles' Advice

Advanced Search

HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend