The Darwin Awards 

1999 Darwin News
Living on Zionist Time
Fatal Footsie
Gone Fishin'
Hurricane News Junkie
Darwin Awards Shorts
Copper Caper
Up In Smoke
Dead Spitter
Sink the Cue Ball
Burmese Python
The Bumbershoot
Smarter Animals
Firefighters Ignite!
The Winner Gets... a Post Mortem
Go Speed Racer Go
Flames of Passion
Peeper Plummets
Intelligence Blunders
Walking on Water
Shell Shot
Dum Dum Boutique
Snake Charmer?
Lights Out
Laughing Gas
What's New Pussycat?
Maine Chainsaw Romance
Yosemite Hike
Rob Your Neighbor
Resistance is Futile
Love Crushed Sex
Good Trumps Evil at Church
Wet Will He
Power of Satan?
Sex and Suffocation
Mental Eclipse
Liposuction Tragedy
Hard Work Rewards
Wild Animal Lesson
Stay With the Herd!
Yosemite Parachute Safety
Fatal Footwear Fashion
Wiped Out
Killer Whale Rodeo
That Sinking Feeling
Avoiding a Fight
Show Off
Poisonous Pets
Sauna Kills Monk
Silenced by the Lambs
Paragliding vs. Parasailing
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1999 Darwin Awards
Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it. Next

Burmese Python 
1999 Darwin Award Winner Unconfirmed by Darwin

(1999, Nevada) A man was found dead in his Fallon, Nevada residence, an apparent victim of strangulation by of his 15ft Burmese Python. The man was handling his pet when the snake mistook his hand for dinner, clamped its jaws around it, and began constricting around his arm. Snakes are solid muscle, and a python this size is far more powerful than any mortal man. Once the snake begins to constrict, only a lever or a sharp knife can persuade the serpent to abandon its course of action. Knowing this, the owner had nevertheless failed to keep a tool handy.

The snake began swallowing his hand, and constricting around his body in an attempt to quell the spasms of the thrashing prey. The man instructed his hysterical wife, who was too scared to approach the snake, to call 911. But the authorities arrived too late. The snake had already constricted around its owner's chest and squeezed him breathless. It is to be hoped that the snake owner used his free arm to beat his helpless wife senseless before he died. © 1994 - 2012

Submitted by: Rich Brown

Nathaniel notes, "You mention that only a lever or a knife would have saved the man. In the interest of science and saving a few unlucky snakes, I hope you will include the fact that alcohol would have done the trick. Snakes don't like their liquor, so spraying alcohol on the head of a snake will cause it to stop biting. Since most of the idiots who get bitten by their 15 foot snakes also have alcohol around, this could save some lives, both human and reptilian, in the future.


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