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2005 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next Prev Random


Captain Magneto
2005 Personal Account

(Summer 2003, Canada) During my days in the Canadian Air Force I worked at the Gliding School instructing cadets. A magneto uses magnets to produce a powerful high-voltage electric current to fire the starters of an aircraft. One night we officers had a private competition to see who could hold onto the four leads of a magneto the longest. One by one we all dropped out, except for "Captain Magneto."

We pooled our money and came up with a bet, and the debonair Captain Magneto took that bet. He attached all four leads to his left testicle. Then we fired up the magneto. As you can imagine, Captain Magneto dropped like a sack of potatoes.

Nobody was able to assist him because we were all laughing too damn hard to breathe, let alone move. To add insult to injury, Mrs. Magneto (his wife) chose this very moment to walk in. She took one look at her husband, and instead of comforting him, started bitching him out. "What's wrong with you," she yelled, "I want kids someday!"

In time Captain Magneto was able to stand without screaming, but he probably won't be playing with magnetos any time soon. © 1994 - 2020

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