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2003 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next Prev Random


Koroneburg Village Idiot
2003 Personal Account

(2003, California) I am what is known as a Rennie, or Renaissance Fair participant. I patronize a small festival called Koroneburg, between Norco and Corona. We are a close-knit bunch, and nobody's secrets are safe for long. However, it is no secret who the village idiot is. When God was passing out brains, Tim must have thought he said "trains" and requested HO scale. Really.

As it's a Renaissance festival, we sell what we refer to as "sharp pointy things." Several booths are dedicated to knives and swords of all sorts. At one particular booth, Knightware, they sell sharp little throwing knives called spiders. Larger blades are not sold with a live edge for safety reasons, but small knives are not only sharpened, but usually better made.

A customer who was interested in blades came across the Knightware spiders. When he asked if they were sharp, Tim replied, "No, look," and drove the one-inch blade straight into his chest with all the force he could muster.

If it were a cheap knife, it would have come out easily, but the well-made little blade lodged tight in Tim's sternum. Tim was driven to the hospital, where the spider was removed. He was subsequently billed for the knife, on the grounds that no one else wanted to buy a knife with its bloodthirsty history.

Tim was taken back to the hospital two weeks later to stitch his thumb together. He had been sharpening his new knife when it slipped, and he cut himself down to the bone. Tim is now banned from all weapons stalls, although he doesn't understand why. © 1994 - 2020
Submitted by: Christina

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What Readers Think

Suction on a blade? Just twist it and the wound opens. And I've never heard of a "blood rill". I suppose it's a variation of the "blood groove", used by catalogs to sell cheap knives to idiots. The correct term is "fuller", describing a groove which runs the length of a blade to lighten and strengthen it. It has nothing to do with lettng blood out.
Denton Warn
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