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2003 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next Prev Random


Hot Hot Chocolate
2003 Personal Account

(1997, England) Unfortunately, I cannot confirm whether the following individual's ability to procreate was permanently impaired after this incident, but it certainly was for a while...

I was chatting with a farrier's apprentice (a farrier is a blacksmith who shoes horses) whose boss was on a four-week leave of absence, claiming to have pulled a muscle in his leg. His customers complained mightily, as their horses' feet urgently needed attending to, and a backlog was piling up.

My friend -- who shall, like his boss, remain nameless to protect his privacy -- informed me of the REAL reason his boss was off work, a truth that he would not admit to his customers.

He had arranged a romantic weekend with his girlfriend, and had decided to spice up the evening with chocolate body paint. The instructions on the jar say to warm it in the microwave for a few seconds, but he misread the directions and microwaved it on high for two minutes.

You know how a mother tests baby milk on the back of her hand, to make sure it's not too hot? He didn't. He proceeded to pour the VERY hot chocolate onto his privates without realizing, until it made contact, exactly how hot it was. He suffered nasty burns, which gave him a John Wayne walk for weeks, and almost certainly put him out of sexual action for longer than that!

Reader Comments:
"I've heard of 'blue balls' but not 'chocolate balls'."
"Romance gone horribly wrong..." © 1994 - 2020
Submitted by: Kirsty

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