A missing cross and a missing one
(Note to Moderators: Submission for At-Risk Survivor category / rewriting & completion + free sources of these pending entry : https://darwinawards.com/slush/new/pending20210913-094144.html , not English native, thanks by advance for a 2nd read & corrections)
Location: Aloxe-Corton, in Côte d’Or, France. Date: 09-08-2021
Aloxe-Corton is a small French wine-producing commune of 135 souls renowned for its pinot noir and chardonnay white wines. But despite this limited gene pool, one soul among those 135 decided to grab the spotlight.
During a daily patrol in the middle of nowhere, the local gendarmes (the law enforcers of French countryside) found the "Croix de Charlemagne", an imposing and magnificent calvary measuring more than 2m of heigh and overlooking a parcel of corton-charlemagne, lying on the ground and reduced to pieces. But not only. Among the remains of the cross they also find an abandonned sports mat and straps... as well as traces of blood. Stupefied by this setup, they decide to investigate the local sports stores and hospitals. They eventually find the culprit of the vandalization grievously wounded in emergency care. A 57 year old man who, finding the area pretty, had decided that hanging his straps on the calvary to do his physical exercises was a wise idea. But instead of eliminating calories he only managed to eliminate a local heritage asset as well as one of his testicle in the process when the calary's pillar collapsed on his own pillar; narrowly missing out on eliminating himself from the local landscape and the already limited gene pool of the scarcely inhabited commune.
Source (FR) :
1)(ppw) Le Bien Public (09-11-2021): "Aloxe-Corton : en faisant du sport, il détruit la croix de Charlemagne et perd un testicule"
2) (free) La Dépêche (09-13-2021): "Côte d'Or : en voulant faire du sport, il détruit une croix et perd un testicule"
Aftermath scene : https://cdn-s-www.bienpublic.com/images/25268E40-B50B-415B-B400-3C0DEFB53815/NW_detail/title-1631380033.jpg
Submitted on 09/18/2021
Reference: https://www.ladepeche.fr/ 09/13/2021