I recently created three opportunities to remove myself from the gene pool. God must have appreciated the humor I provided that day, as I was allowed to survive to share my experience with others.
(1) While working on the electrical system in my basement, I decided to
remove an outlet without shutting down the circuit. I began unscrewing the
outlet with my hand on the shaft of the screwdriver. The screwdriver
slipped and jammed into the main wires, sending 120-volt vibes through my
body. Fortunately, my convulsions jerked me free, but I stumbled into a
tool shelf, and power saws, drills, and other heavy objects rained down on
(2) Scraped, bruised, and stunned, I collected my wits and decided I had
been wrong to neglect shutting off the circuit. The fuse box was located
in the ceiling, of all places. I climbed a stepstool beneath it, reached
up with one hand, and released the safety catch. The 5-lb wood door swung
down and smacked me in the face, breaking my nose and knocking me off the
ladder and onto the concrete floor.
(3) Now I was mad. I grabbed the nearest object, a crescent wrench, and
whipped it at the fuse box. It ricocheted from the fuse box door to the
basement window, shattering the window and sending shards of glass
everywhere. Still stunned from the blow from the fuse box door, I walked
barefoot across the floor...
After bandaging my feet, cleaning various scrapes and wounds, and
staunching the blood flow from my nose, I called it a day.
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Reference: Minor Idiot