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2007 Personal Accounts
The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next Prev Random


Bong Gone Wrong
2007 Personal Account

This happened to me. It was close enough to my twigs and berries that I believe it to be relevant to Natural Selection. Also, as I read through one of the Darwin Awards books, I noticed, to my dismay, a lack of Darwinian Actions by the stoned community, and thought my story would help balance the picture.

I was back home for winter break after my first semester at college, where I did swimmingly, go figure. On the last night before returning to campus, an empty root beer caught my attention. I decided to surprise a friend and make him a glass bong from the bottle.

I am not a 'handy' fellow by any means, but this did not hinder me. I went down to the garage, attached a drill bit to my father's power drill, and began drilling. A bit of "thinking" led me to reject the use of a vise, as the force might shatter the glass bottle. Of course, I didn't consider using paper towels to pad the bottle. Instead, I held it between my legs, pointing my knees together for resistance.

As I neared the end of my task, I began using my left hand to hold the bottle while my legs supported it. When the drill bit broke through the inside of the glass, the pressure on the bottle caused it to shatter! Of course, the drill in my right hand plunged straight through the now empty space -- and into my left hand.

At the hospital the doctors were plainly aware of what I had been doing with the drill and bottle. They spent two hours digging glass out of my hand. A few weeks later, a plastic surgeon managed to pull out the last piece.

In retrospect, I was probably a little too stoned.
That's why we should leave bong making to the professionals.

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