The Darwin Awards

2017 At-Risk Survivor

Next Prev Random At-Risk Survivors have misadventures that stop short of the ultimate sacrifice. Nevertheless we salute the spirit of their colossal blunders with an Honorable Mention. Better luck next time!

$#!t A Brick...
2017 At-Risk Survivor
Confirmed True by Darwin

Monumentally incredible stupidity verified in a respected Medical Journal! A 20-year-old man arrived at the emergency room complaining of rectal pain. Abdominal films revealed a radiopaque object in the lower rectum. A spherical radiolucency was noted in the upper pole of the mass.

Upon questioning, the patient said that he had been fooling around with a close friend. After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet up the wall while his friend poured the slurry through a funnel into his rectum.

Under general anesthesia, the mass was delivered without incident. Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12x7x5cm and weighing 275g. A layer of concrete was chipped off the upper part of the specimen revealing a white plastic ping-pong ball--the radiolucency observed in the abdominal x-ray.

The cement was an attempt to retrieve a ping pong ball! Blood alcohol level was negative. The attending physician recommended a psychiatric consultation, but the patient declined.


"There is a difference between a submission and a bumsission..." -C.Romeijn
"Assessment: A solid foundation." -M.Savonen
"The blockage was a pain in the ass to remove. The patient has
  cemented his name into the annals of medicine." -J.A.Z. Pérez
"He has something to put in his trophy cabinet." -A.Tadd
"Makes for an interesting paperweight!" -S.N.Vinson
"Yes a nice conversation piece for your dinner guests." -W.Bradbury
"Just something I was fartin' around with." S.N.Vinson
"Two Tide Pods ingested by this individual would have helped the hardened concrete
  to pass from the rectum--or at least permanently eliminated the pain!" -J.Crobaugh
"At first this made no sense, but with the ping pong ball it becomes mad genius..." -W.Northcutt
"Milk of Magnesia would have been the obvious remedy." -B.Davis
"But really." -S.Fantinado
"Reminds me of this Scrubs episode." -Ranger Kevin
"Give the man a cookie--but that would probably also get lost." -K. De Beuckelaer
"I think they were missing the hole point." -S.Fischer
"TITLE: Ping Pong Rectum." -S.Bjeff
"James Taylor song, 'Steamroller Blues' - I'm a cement mixer baby,
  a churning urn of burning funk." -R.Causey
"Stamp forehead 'NATB' (not allowed to breed.)" -D.McKillop
"TITLE: '$#!t A Brick...'" -S.Lanena
"Even half a DOZEN Senecots would have trouble shifting that blockage." -G.Windle
"He should have used a gerbil trained to retrieve ping pong balls. "-T.Payne
"Rectum? Dang near killed'im!" -S.Crilley, D.Buchanan


0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 © 1994 - 2020
Submitted by: John M. Wilson
Reference: Am J Forensic Med Pathol, The Well,

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