The Darwin Awards 

Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
2017 Mentions
$#!t A Brick...
7200 Volts And A Dim Bulb
3 Honorable MEN-tions
Other Mention Years 
2018 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008 2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001 2000 1999 Vintage
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum


2017 At-Risk Survivor
The stupidity displayed by the participants in the following tales stops short of the ultimate Darwin Awards sacrifice. Nevertheless, we salute the spirit and innovation of their misadventures. Next Prev Random

$#!t A Brick...
2017 At-Risk Survivor
Confirmed True by Darwin

Monumentally incredible stupidity verified in a respected Medical Journal! A 20-year-old man arrived at the emergency room complaining of rectal pain. Abdominal films revealed a radiopaque object in the lower rectum. A spherical radiolucency was noted in the upper pole of the mass.

Upon questioning, the patient said that he had been fooling around with a close friend. After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet up the wall while his friend poured the slurry through a funnel into his rectum.

Under general anesthesia, the mass was delivered without incident. Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12x7x5cm and weighing 275g. A layer of concrete was chipped off the upper part of the specimen revealing a white plastic ping-pong ball--the radiolucency observed in the abdominal x-ray.

The cement was an attempt to retrieve a ping pong ball! Blood alcohol level was negative. The attending physician recommended a psychiatric consultation, but the patient declined.


"There is a difference between a submission and a bumsission..." -C.Romeijn
"Assessment: A solid foundation." -M.Savonen
"The blockage was a pain in the ass to remove. The patient has
  cemented his name into the annals of medicine." -J.A.Z. Pérez
"He has something to put in his trophy cabinet." -A.Tadd
"Makes for an interesting paperweight!" -S.N.Vinson
"Yes a nice conversation piece for your dinner guests." -W.Bradbury
"Just something I was fartin' around with." S.N.Vinson
"Two Tide Pods ingested by this individual would have helped the hardened concrete
  to pass from the rectum--or at least permanently eliminated the pain!" -J.Crobaugh
"At first this made no sense, but with the ping pong ball it becomes mad genius..." -W.Northcutt
"Milk of Magnesia would have been the obvious remedy." -B.Davis
"But really." -S.Fantinado
"Reminds me of this Scrubs episode." -Ranger Kevin
"Give the man a cookie--but that would probably also get lost." -K. De Beuckelaer
"I think they were missing the hole point." -S.Fischer
"TITLE: Ping Pong Rectum." -S.Bjeff
"James Taylor song, 'Steamroller Blues' - I'm a cement mixer baby,
  a churning urn of burning funk." -R.Causey
"Stamp forehead 'NATB' (not allowed to breed.)" -D.McKillop
"TITLE: '$#!t A Brick...'" -S.Lanena
"Even half a DOZEN Senecots would have trouble shifting that blockage." -G.Windle
"He should have used a gerbil trained to retrieve ping pong balls. "-T.Payne
"Rectum? Dang near killed'im!" -S.Crilley, D.Buchanan

Submitted by: John M. Wilson
Reference: Am J Forensic Med Pathol, The Well,

Awful? 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Great?
Hate it! Love it!
Previous Directions Next

Advanced Search

HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend © 1994 - 2018