The Darwin Awards

2008 At-Risk Survivor

Next Prev Random At-Risk Survivors have misadventures that stop short of the ultimate sacrifice. Nevertheless we salute the spirit of their colossal blunders with an Honorable Mention. Better luck next time!

Battered Sausage
2008 At-Risk Survivor
Unconfirmed by Darwin

Darwin says, "Another first-person medical story."

Our young hero, accompanied by his concerned young girlfriend, sought professional medical advice. Upon entering the examination room, the young man gingerly lowered his pants and asked for my opinion on his immensely swollen, dark purple penis. Attempting to defuse his anxiety, I calmly asked what had happened.

He was unwilling to speak. His girlfriend replied hesitantly, "Nothing. We woke up this morning and it was like that."

The physician reassured the young couple that:
    (1) It would not drop off.
    (2) It would heal.
    (3) Oral sex can be dangerous!

This young man was blessed with a girlfriend with vacuum cleaner suction, and the previous night he had suffered severe barotrauma to his most beloved anatomical structure. Yes, he had almost been sucked out of the gene pool!


0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 © 1994 - 2020
Reference: Personal Account by Vivienne Miller

Previous Directions Next