Pending Review
Bottoms Up!
Take a step back, if you will dear reader, to 1966, and peek at this amazing tale from The Annals of Medicine. Here, Dr Lowicki describes the various ways in which foreign bodies fin their way into the anus, before adding that he's found a new one: Entirely accidental insertion of a "massive" object.
The man, in his 70s, lacked proper plumbing and his improvised solution involved neither bucket nor water. Rather, he chose to go and treat his neighbours to little turdy boobytraps by squeezing them out at the local dump. Now, this is a larger gentleman, so just squatting was not an option.
Instead, he would find either two boxes or two close-together tree stumps, and then sling a branch or board between them to hold his frame up.
Did this meticulous attention to his chosen shitting-spot extend to selecting an actually safe place to poo? Well, no. Where's the fun in that? No, instead, having chosen an insufficiently tough piece of wood (or perhaps one that was just tired of his shit), he found his behind barrelling down towards a bottle.
Not any bottle, either: A glass bottle with its neck in the dirt and its base end pointing jubilantly skyward. He managed to land on it so hard that the bottle's bum end managed to go where no bottle ever should. In pain, and lacerated internally, he rolled over... Snapping off the neck of the bottle and allowing his sphincter to close over the jagged end.
The case report, no doubt written with a sense of humour, cannot help but note his own description of the ailment: "bottle in my rectum". Doctors were forced to conclude, on examination, that his convoluted tale was in fact the truth.
Happily for the bottle if not the gene pool, it was successfully removed intact and despite his obvious health problems the dopey defecator made a full recovery. Internal lacerations can be nasty; as well as the obvious infection risk, heavy bleeding is common. Having recovered we can only hope the hospital donated a bucket for him to remember the experience by.
Submitted on 02/14/2021
Submitted by:
Iona Macdonald
Reference:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1476891/?page=1 medical journal