Reproduction
The candidate must remove
herself from the gene pool.
The prime tenet of the Darwin Awards is that we are celebrating the
self-removal of incompetent genetic material from the human
race. Therefore, the potential winner must be deceased, or at least
incapable of reproducing. The traditional method is death. However,
an occasional rebel opts for sterilization, which allows her more
time to enjoy the dubious notoriety of winning a Darwin Award.
If someone manages to survive an incredibly stupid feat, then her
genes de facto must have something to offer in the way of luck,
agility, or stamina. She is therefore not eligible for a Darwin
Award, but sometimes the story is too entertaining to pass up, and
she earns an Honorable Mention.
Heated philosophical discussions have sprung up around the
reproduction rule. If a person (or group) gives up sex, is she
eligible for a nomination? How about birth control pills? Must the
candidate be completely incapable of reproduction? Frozen sperm and
ova are viable decades after the donor's demise, and sheep can be
cloned from a single cell. Should the elderly be ruled out because
they are too old to breed? Their misadventure has no impact on the
gene pool, unless you consider the "grandmother effect". Should
those who already have children be banned from winning?
[ Advanced Discussion of Offspring] The
existence of offspring, though potentially deleterious to the gene
pool, does not disqualify a nominee. Children inherit only half of
each parent's genetic material and thus have their own chance to
survive or snuff themselves. If, for instance, the offspring has
inherited the "Play With Combustibles" gene, but also has inherited
the "Use Caution When..." gene, then she is a potential innovator
and asset to the human race. Therefore, each nominee is judged based
on whether or not she has removed her own genes, without
consideration to the number of offspring or, in the case of an
elderly winner, the likelihood of producing more offspring.
In
any case, these are complicated questions. And (when this was
written in the 1900's) it would take a team of researchers to ferret
out the actual reproductive status or potential of the nominee--a
luxury Ms. Darwin of the Darwin Awards lacks--therefore, if she no
longer has the physical wherewithal to breed with a mate on a desert
isle, then she is eligible for a Darwin Award.
Jerome
B. Martin notes: "The purpose of Darwin Awards is to
applaud victims for removing their genes from the gene pool. This
act can have varying degrees of merit, depending upon whether the
victim has procreated, and if so, how frequently. Removing ones
genes from the pool clearly has less merit if the genes have already
been passed on to several offspring, unless you can rely on the
offspring to also find creative ways of eliminating their genes
before they reproduce. Thus, a weighting factor should be applied to
the criteria, giving maximum benefit to a victim who has never
procreated, decreasing as the number of offspring increases.
Darwin replies, "I agree with your assessment in
principle, Jerome, but argue that it is impossible for a mortal,
non-omniscient, to weight such factors in the Darwin Awards.
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