The Darwin Awards

2009 At-Risk Survivor

Next Prev Random At-Risk Survivors have misadventures that stop short of the ultimate sacrifice. Nevertheless we salute the spirit of their colossal blunders with an Honorable Mention. Better luck next time!

The Mane Attraction
2009 At-Risk Survivor
Unconfirmed by Darwin

(Poland, 2009) One day a young man living in Wroclaw received a letter in a large envelope. One look and he knew it was THAT letter. In Poland, when a man turns 18 he must allow the medical commission to determine whether he is healthy enough to serve his country.

There are ways to avoid being conscripted. For instance, being enrolled in higher education, or providing sole financial support for a child, or suffering a serious handicap. Our boy was completely healthy, had no kids, and was not smart enough to continue his education. In short, he was destined to serve his country. And he was determined to avoid it.

The medical commission has four categories:

  • A: In good health, and able to serve in the Army.
  • D: Able to serve only during wartime.
  • E: Completely unable to serve, even during war.
  • B: Temporarily unable to pass the medical exam; e.g., recovering from an accident but expected to return to full health. B candidates must attend another medical commission in 12 months.

    Our hero wanted another 12 months to find some way of cheating the Army. But how?

    While playing with his cat, our hero was accidentally scratched, and bang! The idea was formed. A few serious scratches and stitches would qualify him for a deferrment. Our man decided that a small cat was not enough for him, which leads us to the Wroclaw zoo.

    The incidental spectators watched in amazement as our hero strode toward the lion cage, reached inside, and started yelling at a large male lion. Provoking any animal to attack is definitely one of the dumber ideas a person might have. The King of Cats looked in amusement upon the small human being stubbornly trying to provoke a predator. But when the small human pulled its mane, the cat decided that such insolence must be punished.

    Our man's plan worked better than he expected. He received not a B, but an E, ensuring that he will never be in the Army. The irate lion, you see, did not simply scratch the idiot. It used its powerful jaws to bite the man's arm off. This story was presented on Polish TV when the amputee sued his insurance company for failure to pay for the missing arm. The company asserted that it does not cover the loss of a limb due to the bite of a provoked lion.

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    Submitted by: Piotr
    Reference: Polish TV

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