Darwin says, "Accepted into the Archive. (near miss)"

A young man, living in Wroclaw (large city in southwestern Poland) received one day a letter in a large envelope. One look at it and he knew - it was THAT letter.

In Poland, every man who is 18 must appear at the medical commission to determine if he is able to serve his country and get conscripted. There are some ways to avoid being enlisted: high school, having a kid and being the only working (and therefore paid) member of the family, being handicapped or mutilated, etc. Our boy was completely healthy, did not have any kids, and was not smart enough to continue his education after the secondary school. In a word, he was going to serve his proud country. And he was determined to do his best to avoid it.

There are four possible categories the medical commission can give: A, B, D or E. A means you are in perfect health and able to do the job; D means you can serve in the Army only during wartime; E means you are completely unable to do it, even during the war. B is a special category: it means that while you were commissioned you were unable to fit medical requirements of the Army, but this was a temporary condition: eg. you were recovering from an accident and expected to reach full recovery within weeks or months. In case you get B, you have to attend another commission 12 months later. Our hero decided to try to get B and get another 12 months to find some way for cheating out the Army.

There are two thing you don't know at the moment. First is: the guy had a cat. While playing with his pet, our hero got accidentally scratched by it. Bang! - here goes the idea. Why not get some scratches and stitches and get B?

Provoking any animal to attack you is definitely one of the dumber ideas one might have. Unfortunately, our man decided that a small cat is not enough for him. Here's the second thing you don't know: Wroclaw has a large zoo.

The guy decided that he would need something bigger that a domesticated feline for his wounds to appear convincing and to guarantee him B category. He chose one of the largest land predators currently living on Earth: the king of all beasts, noble, proud and large Lion himself.

The incidental spectators of the incident looked in amazement as our hero wandered towards the cage, reached inside and started yelling towards large male lion inside. The King looked in amusement on small human being, stubbornly trying to provoke something about three times heavier and larger than him. Finally, he decided that such insolence must be punished accordingly.

Our guy made it. He received not a B, but an E, and thus made sure he will never join the Army. The lion, irated, did not scratch somebody who started to pull his mane in desperation for getting some scratches, but used his powerful jaws instead, biting our man's right arm off.

The story was once presented in Polish TV, as the guy sued his insurance company because it refused to pay the guy his insurance, stating that it does not cover things such as getting arms or legs bitten off by an irated lion. (as far as I know, the guy lost.)

Submitted on 03/10/2008

Submitted by: Piotr
Reference: This story was presented on Polish TV.

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I guess this guy should be happy since in the end he got exactly what he wanted - he avoid conscription in the army. Thanks for a great story, Piotr!

Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Piotr, if you could find a reference for us to verify I am sure that this would would be a prime Honorable Mention candidate instead of a Personal Account. Thanks.

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