The Darwin Awards

2007 At-Risk Survivor

Next Prev Random At-Risk Survivors have misadventures that stop short of the ultimate sacrifice. Nevertheless we salute the spirit of their colossal blunders with an Honorable Mention. Better luck next time!

Recycled Bullets
2007 At-Risk Survivor
Confirmed True by Darwin

Bugs Bunny was smarter...

(12 May 2007, Lake Luzerne, New York) Adult survivors of the teenage years are well aware that teenager exists in a private world where he already knows everything he needs to know. Here is the story of one teenager who was finally prompted to reconsider his mental acumen, and admit that he not only doesn't know everything, he really doesn't know anything.

In a 1943 Bugs Bunny cartoon, Falling Hare, the wascally wabbit matches wits with a gremlin at a US airbase. The gremlin is bashing a bombshell with a mallet in an attempt to detonate it, and Bugs Bunny comes up and asks if he can have "a whack at it". Just before the mallet hits the bombshell, Bugs stops and screams, "WHAT AM I DOING?!!"

The subject of today's story did not have the epiphany that Bugs had.

This 18 year old decided he needed money, probably for beer -- I recall being 18 once. The problem now becomes how to raise money for said beer?

He knew that brass shell casings could be sold for $1.70 per pound to the Capitol Scrap Co. in Albany. The trouble was, he didn't have any empty brass shell casings. But he did have full brass shells. He merely needed to empty them, thereby creating scrap metal.

Our protaganist began discharging .223-caliber rounds by placing each in a steel vise, putting the tip of a screwdriver on the primer, and striking the screwdriver with a hammer. One hundred rounds later...

The police were called to his home when a bullet penetrated his abdomen by a half-inch. He was treated at Glens Falls Hospital and released. Since the abdomen contains the reproductive organs, it is possible that his brilliant fund-raising idea rendered him sterile, but as there is no evidence, we can only award him an At-Risk Survivor for narrowly surviving his brush with death.

The total amount these shell casings were worth?
Approximately $6.

Submissions: 1, 2, 3.

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