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2000 At-Risk Survivor
Although the stupidity displayed in the following tales stops short of the ultimate sacrifice, we salute the spirit and innovation shown in these misadventures. Next

Three Times a Loser  
2000 At-Risk Survivor
Unconfirmed by Darwin

(31 March 2000, New Mexico) Edward had some trouble when he attempted to steal a utility trailer from the Home Depot store in Albuquerque. He drove in and hitched a trailer onto his Toyota pickup, then drove off quickly - only to crash on Griegos Road. He then returned to the home improvement store and hitched up a second trailer, then drove off - only to have it come loose and crash 75 yards away from the first stolen trailer.

Deputy Sheriff Scott Baird noticed the two trailer on the side of the road, and stopped to investigate. Just then, Detective Bill Webb said, Edward "drives by with the third stolen trailer, and the fender of the trailer clips the deputy's patrol car." A 25-mph chase ensued; the leisurely pace set by Edward, who ""probably knows that trailers at high speeds don't stay on very well," Webb elaborated.

The would-be thief was finally pulled to a stop, arrested by Albuquerque police officers, and charged with three counts of motor vehicle theft.

Hurrah for Edward! If all criminals had a modus operandi as feeble as his, the species would die out from an excess of convictions.

(4 March 2000, England) In a related incident, two homeless men stole a car, a Vauxhall Astra, in a multi-story car park. Their luck was short-lived. They rammed the vehicle though the safety barrier on the 9th floor, and their trajectory described a 42-foot parabolic arc before crashing into the concrete below. © 1994 - 2017

Submitted by: Larry W. Greenly, Michael Wilding

Reference: Albuquerque Journal, Michael Fleet of the Daily Telegraph

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