The Darwin Awards

1999 At-Risk Survivor

At-Risk Survivors have misadventures that stop short of the ultimate sacrifice. Nevertheless we salute the spirit of their colossal blunders with an Honorable Mention. Better luck next time!

Horse Drug Experiment
1999 At-Risk Survivor
Unconfirmed by Darwin

(1999, Guyana) The non-surgical condition of unusual durations of penile erection are called priapism. This is the unfortunate condition results when blood is unable to drain normally, as it does in a flaccid penis. Priapic erections can be caused by blood disorders, such as sickle-cell anemia or leukemia, but sometimes stem from an inexplicable application of stupidity on the part of the owner.

A Guyana newspaper carried the story of one meatball who, wishing to prolong an upcoming rendezvous with his girlfriend, overdosed on cantarden, a drug used for putting horses in heat. The drug had its intended effect, and the man discovered to his horror that his penis had become painfully erect and refused to go down.


After days of agony, he reluctantly sought medical assistance, hoping he could keep the whole thing confidential. Luck was against him, and when word of his erection slipped out, he became the town laughingstock. Adding insult to injury, he was nicknamed "staff sergeant" by the locals. After three weeks of humiliation and misery, he underwent surgery to relieve the condition. Now his only problem is he can't get it up.

Take lesson from this, folks, and leave drug experimentation to the professionals.


Submitted by: Christopher Rowland, Chris Close
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