The Darwin Awards

1998 At-Risk Survivor

At-Risk Survivors have misadventures that stop short of the ultimate sacrifice. Nevertheless we salute the spirit of their colossal blunders with an Honorable Mention. Better luck next time!

Klutzy Crook
1997 At-Risk Survivor
Unconfirmed by Darwin

(February 1998) ATM's have become a popular target for thieves. The law of averages demands that some attempts end unsuccessfully.

Our hero started out like most: He knew that in order to win the prize, he needed to get at the back of the machine. He pried it away from the wall with difficulty. As soon as he had enough clearance, he wriggled behind and started working on removing the rear panel.

At this point, the watchful reader will have noticed a few problems with his logic.

1. He has completely ignored the video camera.

2. A silent alarm is triggered if the machine is moved.

Furthermore, the ATM in question is three minutes away from a police station. As the sirens neared, our novice criminal decided to hide. When the police arrived, they saw that the machine had been tampered with, and assumed that the thief had fled. They secured the area and called in a forensics team.

The forensics team was dusting for fingerprints when a very loud ACHOOO! from behind the ATM.

In summary, the klutzy crook was videotaped, left fingerprints, and he hid behind the ATM.

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Submitted by: Sean Barr

Reference: VOCM Radio

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