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2009 Urban Legends
The following stories are apocryphal. They are included on the Darwin Awards website because they are inspirational narratives of the astounding efforts of legendary Darwin Awards contenders. Next

Bitter Biter Bit a Nitwit
2009 Urban Legend

(January 2009, Russia) "A raging raccoon has bitten off a pervert's privates as he was trying to rape the animal," screams the headline. When most of us see a wild animal, raping it never enters our minds. Why would anyone...?

Alexander, 44, was on a drunken weekend with friends in Moscow when he leapt on the terrified animal. "When I saw the raccoon I thought I'd have some fun," he told stunned casualty surgeons. Although there was not much left to work with, plastic surgeons were trying to restore his mangled manhood.

If he is unable to procreate he is eligible for a Darwin Award. Thus far no reports have "leaked" on the success of the shaft graft.

Reader Comments:
"I hope it doesn't work. I'm an animal lover."
"Next time try a beaver."

Darwin says, "Although this story was submitted dozens of times--citing news articles from Belgium, Denmark, Norway, Italy, Japan, and Australia--I have classified this story as an Urban Legend because the sole source of these news reports is The Sun tabloid. If you have a reliable source confirming the story, please CONTACT DARWIN."

Amusing translation of a Belgium newspaper.

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Submitted by: Jonathan Brown
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