Darwin says, "Darwin warns, "This is an Urban Legend. I cannot find an
original soure, nor any confirmation. Although Snopes has not yet
addressed its veracity (as of 2/2008) its widespread presence on the
Internet and its overall tone lead me to consider it to be invented.
Please contact me if you have information!"
Names have been removed to protect the stupid!
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, sweet
feed it on corn for a few weeks, then butcher it and eat it. Yum!
Corn-fed venison. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.
Since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not have much fear of me
(a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed
while I am in the back of the truck four feet away) it should not be
difficult to rope one, toss a bag over its head to calm it down, then
hog-tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder and hid behind it with my rope. The cattle,
having seen a roping or two before, stayed well back. They were not having
any of it.
After 20 minutes, my deer showed up, 3 of them. I picked a likely looking
one, stepped out, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared
at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would
have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you
could tell she was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.
I took a step toward it. It took a step away. I put a little tension on
the rope, and received an education. The first thing I learned is that,
while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it,
it is spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that, pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range, I
could fight down with some dignity. A deer? No chance.
That thing ran and bucked, it twisted and pulled. There was no controlling
that deer, and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my
feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that
having a deer firmly attached to a rope was not such a good idea. The only
upside is that they do not have much stamina.
A brief ten minutes later it was tired, and not as quick to jerk me off my
feet and drag me. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was
mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.
At that point, I had lost my appetite for corn-fed venison. I hated the
thing, and would hazard a guess that the feeling was mutual. I just wanted
to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. But if I let it go
with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painful
Despite the gash in my head, and several large knots where I had cleverly
arrested the deer's pell-mell flight by bracing my head against large rocks
as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to
recognize that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the
situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to suffer a slow death.
I managed to get it lined up between my truck and the feeder, a little trap
I had set beforehand, like a squeeze chute. I backed it in there, and I
started moving forward to get my rope back.
Did you know that deer bite? They do!
I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite, so I
was very surprised when I reached up there to grab hold of that rope, and
the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not
like a horse, it does not just bite and let go. A deer bites and shakes
its head, like a pit bull. They bite HARD and won't let go. It hurts!
The proper reaction when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw
back slowly. I tried screaming and wrenching away. My method was
ineffective. It felt like that deer bit and shook me for several minutes,
but it was likely only several seconds.
I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by
now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right
arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was
when I learned my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.
Reader Andy says, "Roping a
deer (or grabbing a wounded deer by the horns) may seem outrageous
but it has been done! And the deer don't like it at all. This kind
of foolishness happens frequently. How do I know? I live in North
Central Montana and I tried to rope a deer myself once, but I missed.
Thankfully. Deer are savage animals when trapped."
Reader Grady nominates another deer
Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up and
strike at head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.
I learned long ago that when a horse strikes at you with its hooves and you
can't get away, the best thing to do is make a loud noise and move
aggressively towards the animal. This will cause it to back down a bit, so
you can make your escape.
This was not a horse. This was a deer. Obviously, such trickery would not
work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I
screamed like a woman and turned to run.
Darwin intercepted a bounced email from
email-a-friend: "After reading this I think I will work on a better
scheme. Was reading up on lariats and honda knots, roping technique and
supplies, gettin real exited with the idea. Didn't want to feed him corn
or anything, just slit his throat real quiet like. Oh well..."
The reason we have been taught NOT to turn and run from a horse that paws
at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of
the head. Deer are not so different from horses after all, other than
being twice as strong and three times as evil. The second I turned to run,
it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
When a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately
depart. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What
it does instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you, while you
are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck, and the deer went away. Now I
know why people go deer hunting with a rifle and a scope. It's so they can
be somewhat equal to the prey.
DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2020
Submitted by: Steven