Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard.

2022 Darwin Awards

Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

Molten Man: Pompeii And Circumstance
2022 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

At Pompeii, Italy a preserved victim of the ashey volcano
     explosion lies in the long-dead dust

(2 January 2022, Hawaii USA) The man was 75 but still game for an off-limits sortie into Volcanoes National Park. As a resident of the nearby town of Hilo, the elder hiker was well aware of lava's distinctive molten danger. Probably had a picture of Pompeii on the wall. Yet this midnight hike past a 'WARNING YOU WILL DIE!' sign--all locals know better--seemed sensible to him. How cool to see the hot red glow of lava at night, right?

Mesmerizing lava was the siren song that lured this old boy to a magnificent sight and a midnight death. "Natural Laws Have No Pity," deceased author Robert Heinlein commented to the luckless volcano-vanquished chap, as he woke up in the afterlife. I hereby suggest that this man is worthy of an award for his red-blooded stupidity.

Can we give a Darwin Award to an oldster and not bellow about how he already is done reproducing, my dear readers? I cannot help but love these confrontations with nature, esp. when they happen to...

My own family......behaved crazy stupid visiting Hawaii's Big Island. It was a horror. Relatives called me, "Take a picture of us BEHIND THIS SIGN!" The sign said, 'Do Not Go Beyond This Point, YOU WILL DIE.'"Get back this side of that sign!" I urged. But they just laughed and stomped their feet on the wrinkled lava, demanding a photo.

The old man's family reported the Darwin Award nominee missing at midnight on Sunday evening, and his body was recovered 8 hours later at 8AM Monday morning. It's not the end-all of the 2022 Darwin Awards, yet Mr Lava Melt certainly deserves his hour of notoriety.


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