The Darwin Awards

2009 At-Risk Survivor

Next Prev Random At-Risk Survivors have misadventures that stop short of the ultimate sacrifice. Nevertheless we salute the spirit of their colossal blunders with an Honorable Mention. Better luck next time!

Bonehead Bowling
2009 At-Risk Survivor
Unconfirmed by Darwin

Category: Gravity
Location: Cincinnati
Date: 2006 Super Bowl Weekend

Brad tends to be rather wild at times. Brad was bowling. On one of his turns, he had trouble controlling the ball. It was not obvious whether the ball stuck to his fingers, or he simply released it far too late, but the bowling ball went sailing nearly straight up. Time stood still. Everyone froze, mouths hanging open.

Brad leaned forward and managed to say, "Where'd it go?" before suffering a glancing blow to the head as gravity took its course. The entire bowling alley went silent. Brad stumbled, put his hand to his head, and said, "I'm ok." We wanted to rush him to the hospital, but he would not have the evening ruined. Later, we were able to convince Brad to go to the hospital. While he was there, three different sets of doctors and nurses came in to hear the story, apparently not believing rumors they'd heard.

In the end, they put some staples in his head and released him. He had so much metal in his head that he set off the airport metal detector on the way home from the Super Bowl.

Fun FailBlog Bowling Ball:
car bowling

This wasn't the first, nor last, of Brad's escapades.

Brad was racing on the highway against a friend in a blizzard, when his windshield wiper flew completely off. Normal people would slow down and focus on maintaining control, but Brad chose to stick his head out the window and continue racing.

In another case, our Brad decided that walking thirty feet around a chain-link fence was too much trouble, so he decided to climb over it. While I'm not entirely sure what happened, the end result was Brad screaming on the other side, having ripped the crotch out of his pants and fallen bleeding over on the other side.

Recently Brad dove headfirst down a muddy slope at a rained-out NASCAR event, and got a small rock lodged in his forehead. The doctor is reported to have said, "So that's what your skull looks like." Brad's forehead was ballooned out for several months. Picture that.

It's not certain when Brad will eventually earn himself a Darwin Award, but he is certainly making a spirited attempt at it, and odds are in Darwin's favor.

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